Pooping at Work

One of my Facebook friends posted about a “genius” idea they learned about: “pooping shoes”.

These are shoes you change into at work prior to using the facilities to, you know, take a dump.

My Facebook friend was in the camp of people who nevereverever poop at work. They find it abhorrent when others do. They have a poop schedule to which they adhere. If their schedule is somehow off and they have no choice but to poop mid-day, they would hop in their car, drive home, do their “doody” and come back to the office.

This Facebook friend of mine also shared that they are grateful that at this point in their career, they work from home. No special shoes needed to poop there.

Yet, if they did still have to work in the office amongst other people, they’d have a special pair of shoes hidden in a drawer…just in case.

Or maybe they’d be like Zahid from the Netflix show “Atypical”.

Thoughts on this?

Here’s mine:

Who really takes the time to peer under the bathroom stalls and register exactly who is using the shitter? Weirdos, that’s who.

Now, a quick glance just to ascertain if there is someone in the stall, to prevent oneself from attempting to gain entrance-that’s normal.

If one were to change their shoes at their work station, then make the trek to the restroom, wouldn’t there be a decent chance that someone would notice the change in footwear? And furthermore, would there not also be a chance that the one who noticed the new shoes would also need to use the facilities approximately 20 seconds after one has plopped their ass onto the porcelain throne?

Because I’m pretty sure that would happen to me.

I’m just not that smooth. Or that sneaky. I’d change my shoes, then on the way to the toilet, I’d be distracted by a client in need of something or a co-worker with a question. Someone, no doubt, would take notice of my new shoes and perhaps ask why I changed shoes. Shit (ha ha), then I’d have to come up with a believable lie, like “these are more comfortable”. Then I’d have to wear my “pooping shoes” for the rest of the day, hence resulting in a need to find a new pair of “pooping shoes” to bring into work the next day.

It’d become a whole ridiculous fucking thing.

Instead, I’ll continue to be grateful for the fact that I do have a pretty consistent “poop schedule” (every morning after my first cup of coffee, in case you wondered). And if I simply must poop at work, I will flush first; right at the moment I am certain that those unholy sounds are about to start coming out of my tushy. Then, if someone else enters the stall next to me, I will finish up, wait it out until the coast is clear and then disembark from the toilet seat.

And if someone else is pooping when I’m peeing in the stall next to them, I will speed things up, wash my hands according to the instructional sign hanging by the mirror, and make a quick exit to give that person some space and some respect.

Because the fact of the matter, is we all poop. That is what toilets are for. Even the ones at work.

8 thoughts on “Pooping at Work”

  1. Before my mom retired, her office space was above a bank. (Which is in the old high school gym building for reasons I have never understood.) Her office was at the end of a long hallway, separated from the bathroom by another office that usually sat empty. Because the bathroom was part of the office rental, she was the one to clean and stock it — which she didn’t mind, except that the bank employees used it as their pooping bathroom. Someone should teach them about pooping shoes!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am living for the title meme right now 🤣🤣👌 so good!

    Here’s my thoughts… Poop makes me anxious.. And it logically shouldn’t! Like you say, we ALL do it! But I feel like there’s a poop hierarchy. Those who poop fast and freely are superior! Those whose bowels are a bit shy can get a lot of stage fright! I’ve had many many many moments of being in any public bathroom and waiting for people to leave for me to let one go or to poop openly… But why though??? It’s a bathroom! That’s the purpose of a bathroom… Ain’t nobody eating a meal in there and if they are then that’s their problem… But again…. I just can’t let myself live freely….. 🤔🤔🤔 Also, I love this post. I enjoy dissecting the social constructs around poop and how uncomfortable it makes people lol… I judge how close I’ll be to someone based on how openly they talk about poop 💩💩💩💩💩

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are too funny! “Ain’t nobody eating a meal in there”…ha ha! Can you imagine? That’d be a funny prank though, right? One of those “What Would You Do” moments, like that show. Thanks for your comments, lady!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. How the heck do you “schedule” your poop?! Seriously, you have interesting Facebook friends!
    Pretty sure this explains the idea behind “poo-pourri”. I heard the woman who created it is now a millionaire. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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