My Mister’s Nickname: the Back Story

A while back, I was inspired by another blogger to re-consider how I refer to my husband when I’m writing blog posts.

Like me, how she referred to her husband wasn’t working for her. Since I started this blog (7 years ago!), I’d been calling my husband “Hubs” in my blog posts. I knew that it was inevitable that I’d be writing about him at least some of the time, since this is a personal blog after all, so I chose “Hubs” as his online moniker.

The thing is, though, I never, like ever, refer to him as “Hubs” to his face. Or when I’m referring to him in conversations with others. All I knew is that I didn’t want to use his actual name in this space, lest I inadvertently share something in a blog post that would somehow cause him embarassment. So, “Hubs” it was.

When I gave it more thought, a few months ago, it occurred to me that there was an alternative name for him in this space. Something I have only called him. Something between us that we both understand and laugh about: “Mr. None of the Above” (“Mr. NOA” for short).

As I recall, the first time I called him this was during a long, boring drive from one state to another. It was very late at night. We were both hungry. Hangry, actually. So, we agreed it was high time we stopped to get something to eat.

Now, my husband will attest to this statement: he is a pickier eater than I. I mean, he’s not ridiculously picky, mind you. There’s plenty of things he absolutely loves to eat that I will not touch with a ten-foot pole. Examples: pickled herring, sweet potatoes, cauliflower. And, of course, there’s things I love to eat that he wants no part of: corn in mexican dishes, ketchup on my scrambled eggs, and most sweets.

That night, in our hangry state, I suggested two different options of places to get some grub. I believe it was Subway or McDonald’s. Being more finicky about what he eats, had his own idea: Perkin’s. We could sit down and relax, he said, not just eat on the road in the dark. It then occured to me just how often I would suggest various options (not just food related) and the man comes up with an altogether different choice. So now, I call him Mr. None of the Above on a regular basis. He will invariably have his own idea in any given situation, often one that I hadn’t thought of.

A more recent example: I told him that I thought we ought to adopt a cat for Christmas this past year. Radar has lived with a cat before and it went well. They weirdly shared food and sometimes even sat on the same couch together. After a bit of discussion, I suggested we just be content with having access to our daughter and her boyfriend’s puppy, Max. He and Radar get along famously after all, and they only live 20 minutes away from us. And Mr. None of the Above’s suggestion? “Let’s adopt a puppy!” One that has recently been weaned, he said. “What?! A teeny-tiny baby puppy?” I said, in shock. Then we talked some more about that particular option. We were in agreement that because Radar does so well with Max, playing with him, but also watching out for him and corraling him when they’re frolicking in the yard together, this might not be the worst idea ever.

Yet I can’t say I’m completely convinced we should or will ever do it. Maybe I’ll just hang on and see if Mr. None of the Above comes up with an alternative.

My 2024 in Books…so far

My moment with reading continues. I just finished book number 5 of my “24 books in 2024” goal.

I came into this whole endeavor thinking that I’d focus on the classics that I hadn’t yet read and/or the books that are up for being banned in some circles (because there’s a little rebel inside of me). As time has gone on, however, I’ve let go of what I think I “should” read and instead have embraced books I want to read.

Not that I haven’t read or won’t read any classics or those potentially being banned this year or beyond.

In my initial blog post about my aim to read “24 in ’24”, I essentially congratulated myself on obtaining a library card. I pictured myself making weekly trips to the library, taking time to peruse and come away with books that would make me feel or seem smart.

Alas, I haven’t exactly done that. Because I love thrifting with my whole heart, I’ve been browsing the book shelves at area thrift stores (where I can also find cool things like “I’m a Scientist” t-shirt featuring the face of Carl Sagan for Mr. NOA and springy “Knox Rose” brand tops for myself). The bonus, aside from the guilt-free retail therapy buzz that thrifting provides me with, is that I don’t have to return any of these books. I buy them at a deep discount, and then if it’s a book I really dig, I can pass it on to another reader.

“Another reader” being a friend, my MIL, or even an unknown recipient via one of the many little free libraries around these parts. Note to self: Mr. NOA has, since last Christmas, been gifted every single thing you can imagine to create things out of wood-I can legit put building a little free library on his list of things to create.

So, back to the books I’m reading/have read thus far in 2024.

I’ve read a self-improvement book that taught me how to start new, positive habits as well as how to track and stack them (Atomic Habits by James Clear). I’ve read a very strangely haunting yet at times oddly humorous book that re-iterated how god-awful war is (Slaughterhouse Five, by Kurt Vonnegut). I’ve read a beautifully tragic book about misfits, loneliness and disappointment in small southern town America in the 1930’s (The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers). I’ve read a book about the meaning of life, death, and grief (Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom). And I just finished a kid’s book about the history of humankind, which thus far has 2 volumes (Unstoppable Us, by Yuval Noah Harari). This one is for my grandson, who I’m thrilled to report, has become an avid reader at the age of 10. I can’t wait to discuss it with him.

Next up is…well, I’m not sure yet. I purchased a few new-to-me books while thrifting recently and I’ve not decided which one to read next. I welcome insights on which of the books I now own that I should dig into next.

Here’s the lineup:

“The Moment of Lift” by Melinda Gates

“Hillbilly Elegy” by J.D. Vance

“Where’d You Go, Bernadette” by Maria Semple

“Fahrenheit 451” by Ray Bradbury

“Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen

I also intend to circle back to the book suggestions you, my fellow readers, gave me when I first announced my reading goals for 2024.

Piecemealing: Inside and Outside

For all intents and purposes, winter here in Minnesconsin is winding down (not like it ever wound up, and yes I’m probably inadverdently manifesting blizzard conditions before this month is out), and spring is knocking at the door.

During this transitional period, I’ve been working on the inside. Preparing for working outside.

In addition to working on specific areas to improve my internal life, Mr. NOA and I are working together and individually on the inside of our home. Organizing, cleaning, and slightly re-decorating this joint. All so we are ready, once the temps allow, to work (and play) outside. We have grand plans for our gardens. The hope is that we can improve on our lackluster gardening situation in 2023.

I think what’s so cool about this house (house number 8, if you care to read) is that it has so much potential. I imagine us living here for another 15 years, give or take. If it’s forever I’m good with that too. As we age, however, it’s likely that we’ll want to live in a home without stairs. I am an optimist, but also a realist.

There’s a multitude of home improvements we’d like to do, big and small. With the intention of staying here for a good long time, we have the luxury of doing it all piecemeal. It doesn’t all have to be done by a certain date or even a certain year. It’s as time/money/energy allows.

Of course, life is gonna life, right? Any number of things could happen that would derail our plans. That’s why I think it’s good to continue working internally, on myself. To increase my mental and emotional resilience, to become a better communicater, and a more self-aware person.

I think both inside and outside, I’ve got my work cut out for me.

Now for the song that came to mind as I finished writing this piece. This is such a lovely cover of the classic song from the Byrds and I think you’ll enjoy it too 🙂

Pushing Out of a Blogging Funk

I’ve been feeling funky lately, particularly when it comes to this blog. I’ve got all of these tabs open in my brain with all the things I want to accomplish and I’ve been finding it hard to sit down and focus on this blog. To just write something already.

I’m at the point where it’s likely if I don’t write something now and put it out there into the universe I’ll slink back into myself and end up abandoning this blogging venture for a good long while.

It’s not that I’m not writing anything. It’s just that I’m not writing anything that is for public consumption. Is this an example of that? Could be.

Anyway, all is well and (my) life is good and all of that. Really.

It’s just that I’m in a weird transitional sort of period of time at the moment. It’s basically been spring all winter here in Minnesconsin. The water is open in our lake. But it’s supposed to feel like winter and it doesn’t. We even saw our first robin outside our big picture window the other day. Climate change is real, folks.

There’s also other real things happening out there in the world that trouble me. Things I pray about every day, like the wars happening in the Ukraine and the Middle East. People I once knew dying. People I don’t know at all dying for no good reason. The great inequities in this country, where the uber rich are allowed to not pay their fair share while the rest of the population works their fingers to the bone to barely make ends meet. And so much more.

I assure you that I believe there is hope that good and right, democracy and justice will prevail in the end.

It’s just the “getting there” part that has me feeling anxious.

I promise that my next blog post will be more free-wheeling and upbeat, as that is how I want to keep rolling. My optimistic nature is still underneath all this “yuck”.

Ageism and Me: Growing through Discomfort

In a work setting, have you ever had to participate in an exercise, individually, then gather as a group later to discuss the experience?

I have. It made me super uncomfortable. Which I suppose is the point of these kinds of things.

It happened when I was working for a non-profit that served senior citizens, which is the population the agency I now work for serves.

The exercise was about uncovering our unconscious bias. Individually, we were directed to view images of different sorts of people. Hispanic, Black, Young, Male, Old, Asian, White, Female, etc. You get the gist. We were to, without thinking, select which of two images before us that we preferred (to work with). To just go with our instincts, suspending self-judgement.

A tall order.

The most disturbing result, for me, was that my preference skewed towards young people. I was working at a place that served old people, folks. It made me question everything. Am I an ageist? Am I not supposed to be serving senior citizens because of my unconscious bias? Should I switch paths and become a teacher, like my Dad always thought I should?

I was beside myself for a bit.

But, that was then and this is now. In the ensuing years, my perspective on aging and relating with older people has evolved. I’ve certainly moved past feeling terrible about this revelation.

It’s true that I love interacting with young people. I’ve got a grandson who just turned 10 and I embrace being his grandma. I find him, as well as plenty of other people younger than me, inspiring. Being in the company of youngins invigorates me. It often gives me hope for our collective future as a species.

It’s also true that there are plenty of people older, in some cases, quite a bit older than I, who I greatly enjoy being around. Those elders I find interesting, wise, and inspiring. Not only do I have the great fortune of having a pair of second parents (Mr. NOA’s mom and dad) in my life, but I also get opportunities to interact with other senior citizens in my work life (clients and volunteers) regularly.

These people model for me generosity of spirit. Generosity of wisdom. Generosity of their time and their money. I wholeheartedly respect and appreciate them for that.

And, it’s not lost on me that I am a Gen X’r (who is actively pondering what that even means to me personally) who is a senior citizen herself. I mean, most senior discounts are given once you turn 55…and I’m 2 years beyond that now.

I guess my point is this (and yes, this makes me sound like the seasoned crone I am): age, smage. I’m more interested in other characteristics of those I work and spend time with, such as their senses of humor, their talents and skills, and their outlooks on life.

As a nation and a world, we are living in interesting times. We all have our unconscious biases, whether we participate in exercises that reveal them or not. Ageism is but one “ism” that we ought to be honestly and openly discussing, don’t you think?

Valentine’s Day 2024: Restless Legs, Dreams, and Love

If I could be anywhere with anyone this Valentine’s Day, it’d be with Mr. None of the Above in the audience of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s “Restless Leg Tour”. I believe they are in NYC tonight. I came upon this tour online a couple of weeks ago and quickly shared it with Mr. None of the Above. I told him I figured it’d take about a couple grand for the two of us to fly to NYC (one of my top U.S. future travel destinations). This would include airfare, hotel, meals, and show tickets.

He laughed and laughed. Fucker.

No, I jest. Of course I didn’t think he’d agree that this was a great decision for us financially or that it was even feasible given our work and life schedules. But I enjoyed the fantasy while it lasted. Sigh.

I believe, however, that if Tina and Amy could understand how much I love that they are doing this show and for how long I have truly admired them as women in the world of comedy, they would certainly decide to book more shows closer to where we live. We could easily make the trip to Minneapolis or St. Paul, Madison or Milwaukee. Plus, I also have restless leg syndrome so that counts for something, right?

How about you, my lovely readers? What would be your heart’s desire if you could be anywhere with anyone on this Valentine’s Day?

Or, if you’re not feeling particularly dreamy today, how about just pausing to consider the things, whether they be non-things like people or pets, or experiences/activities, or physically tangible things that we are absolutely loving right now?

I’ll go first (like there’s another option here).

My best friendship and marriage (34 years in May!) with Mr. NOA

Taken in the early aughts and still one of my favorite pics

The badass female energy I’m surrounded by these days, at work, in my personal life and online. I’m embracing it and grateful for it. It’s inspiring me and enlightening me and I never want to take it for granted.

Speaking of being enlightened, I am really having a moment with reading. I am happy to report that I’m making progress on my ridiculous goal of reading 24 books in 2024. I’m currently reading book #3: The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers. Wow. It is amazing that she wrote this when she was just 23. It’s like she must have been infused at birth with an old, wise soul to come up with such a rich story with fully drawn out characters.

These two fluffballs: our boy Radar and his little companion, Max, a pug/dachsund mix. We had Max overnight recently so my daughter and grandson could visit the kiddo’s other grandparents.

Naturally, Radar is chewing Max’s toy and Max is chewing Radar’s

Speaking of puppies, did you all catch the “Puppy Bowl” this past Sunday? Man, watching that brought me so much joy! Note to self: find it again and record it on your DVR for whenever you need a lift.

Another thing that has been giving me consistent lifts these days is streaming music on The Current. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this wonderful MPR (Minnesota Public Radio) station in previous blog posts, but either way, I am certain you will love it. They have great programs, like “United States of Americana” with Bill DeVille on Sunday mornings. They play a humongous and eclectic mix of music genres: folk, rock, hip-hop, blues, funk, and so much more, both old and brand spanking new stuff. Listening to this station on the regular keeps me, well, current.

I love comments on my blog posts too, folks! I would love to read about the things you are loving in the here and now. The things/people/places that are making your heart soar.

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends!

WordPress Prompt: What’s your favorite candy?

Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite candy?

What an un-serious, silly question. It’s today’s WordPress prompt and it’s weirdly perfect for my current mood.

And, well, I love candy. And Valentine’s Day is next week, for which Mr. None of the Above never fails to buy me a huge box of chocolates to express his devotion to me. Next week is also my grandson’s birthday. He loves candy too.

One of my favorite candies (like I can pick just one!) is the underappreciated Almond Joy bar. It’s a favorite of our grandson too, which surprises me, as kids are not supposed to like coconut, right?

My least favorite childhood nickname was “candy queen”. I think it came about when I was the youngest in a long line of cousins on my Mom’s side. In the summers, we’d often drive a few hours to spend time with her side of the family, where in the itsy-bitsy town they lived was a bar/candy store. Well, to me it really was a candy store (with all the candy housed in a glass case by the cash register). One of my older cousins would take me there, and I’d buy all the candy I could with whatever change I had been given by my Mom.

So, I feel pretty qualified to write about the topic of candy. I also have the dental work to show for it. At a recent dental exam, it was noted that I’ve “had a lot of work done” on my teeth. Let’s just say I spent an above-average amount of time at the dentist growing up. Thankfully, I also developed excellent dental hygiene habits as an adult so I’ve still got all my original teeth!

Back to the question at hand.

In no particular order, my favorite candies (besides Almond Joy) are:

  • Licorice: black or red only please. I prefer red, whether it’s Red Vines or Twizzlers
  • Peanut butter Snickers (an old boss of mine used to keep these on her desk during team meetings and I loved her for it)
  • Gummy bears (especially the yellow and orange ones)
  • Apple-flavored Jolly Ranchers
  • Peanut or Peanut Butter M ‘n M’s
  • Salt Water taffy
  • Those black and white (and pink?) licorice flavored taffies from way back in the olden days
  • Take 5 bars
  • Dark chocolate peanut butter cups from Trader Joe’s

There’s no doubt in my mind that I’ve forgotten some of my favorites, but right now…guess what?

I want candy!!!!

New Words and Smart People

One piece of advice I’ve heard numerous times over the years goes something like this: surround yourself with people smarter than you.

This is great advice, don’t you think? While it does require one to keep their ego in check, the rewards are great when you do it.

It applies not only in real life, where, arguably, oftentimes we don’t have full control of who we interact with day to day, but also in the virtual world (where, it could be argued, we do have full control of who we interact with).

A recent example can be found in a comment one of my fabulous blogger friends made on a recent post of mine. In response to a comment I made about exiting the “dead bird app” (thanks Valerie Bertinelli for that epic descriptor), my blogger friend said she’s still on the aforementioned app but is not “twitterpated” with it.

Now, “twitterpated” is not a word I’ve ever heard (and I would guess many of you have not either). My first thought was that she had made up this silly word. Or maybe it was a weird typo. I thought about it for a bit and figured that the “pated” portion of the word was like the word “sated”, as in being satisfied.

I looked at the comment again a few days later, and thought perhaps I ought to google the word, for shits and giggles, you know? Not at all expecting that it was indeed a “real” word.

Alas-twitterpated is a real word! Per dictionary.com it means “excited or overcome by romantic feelings; smitten”. Now, I think I can assume that my lovely blogger friend, Crystal btw, was not trying to say she was not overcome by romantic feelings about the dead bird app, because that would be a ridiculous thing to say. No app should compel romantic feelings, right? Well, maybe a dating app for those who are single I suppose.

She was saying she was not “smitten” with the app. Though “twitterpated” is a much more fun and unusual way to say that, without a doubt. I was not twitterpated with the dead bird app either, that’s why I dumped it.

This is all to say that I appreciate those who are smarter than I. There’s loads of people who are, of course. And there’s ways I might be a little smarter than others. We all have something to offer.

Surrounding ourselves as much as we possibly can, IRL and online, by folks who are smarter than us has the potential to teach us so much. And if we are lucky, their “smarts” might just rub off a little on us.

24 Books in 2024

I’ve never read a Stephen King book. I tried once when I was a teenager, but I was overwhelmed by the number of pages.

Not that I don’t like or appreciate Stephen King. I’ve enjoyed the movies and mini-series that came from his books, especially “The Stand”.

Why am I talking about Stephen King? Because of this quote I read in 2023 that really stuck with me.

I have to paraphrase it because I’ll be darned if I can find it online.

“When you have a lot going on in your head, write. When you are not feeling inspired by anything in particular, read.”

This *paraphrased* quote gave me permission (in my head) to not force myself to write. It let me off the hook. It’s a simple yet very valuable piece of advice, don’t you think?

So, I’ve been reading more. I enjoy a variety of different genres, though I gravitate towards self-help, memoirs, psychological thrillers/mysteries, and books with fictional stories about multi-generational families and the secrets they keep.

I’m currently reading “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I am getting a lot out of it. Plenty of great tips and tricks which, to me, seem to fall under that awesome phrase from Jen Sincero’s “You Are a BadAss” book: “your brain is your bitch”.

After living in Minnesconsin for nearly 2 years now, I finally visited our local library earlier this month. As one of my areas of growth this year is to increase our savings, this was a good move. No more buying books via Amazon for me!

My aim is to read 24 books in 2024. “Atomic Habits” is of course the first one. Just 23 more to go!

I recognize this is a terribly ambitious goal, especially considering that the only consistent time I seem to be able to read is right before bed. Prior to my reading time, however, I tend to watch t.v., which of course I will need to cut back on if I have any chance of even reading 12 books this year.

I have a great interest in choosing books from the various lists I’ve seen online of banned books. Those books that particular self-righteous religious zealots have deemed inappropriate for young readers in public schools. Books that contain stories about race, sexual orientation, and social (in)justice.

I was so greedy at the library that I came out with three books that really piqued my interest. They are: Kurt Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse Five”, “The Heart is a Lonely Hunter” by Carson McCullers, and “Trigger Warning” from Neil Gaiman.

While I have a few books I plan on adding to my “24 books in 2024” list, such as “The Diary of Anne Frank” and “1984”, I would love for you to share in the comments any thoughts you have about the books I have thus far on my list and/or suggestions on what I ought to pick for the next 19 books to read.

TIA, my generous reading and writing friends!

Aging is Rad

Later this month, I’ll be turning 57. I’m closer to the end of my life on this earth than I am to the beginning of it.

I realize that sounds dramatic, but it’s true.

This is why I feel a sense of urgency to get on with living a fuller life. I want to have the experiences that, and conversations with people who light me up and expand my worldview. I say this of course for self-serving reasons to an extent, but my true, ultimate goal is to leave a positive mark on the world when all is said and done. When I am said and done.

Yes, that was a bit on the dramatic side too, but it’s also true. Another truth: I waver between taking myself too seriously and not taking myself seriously enough.

This urgency I feel is the crux of why “growth” is my word of the year. I can’t expect the things I want to happen to actually happen if I don’t grow.

Bottom line for me is that time is a precious commodity that I’ve gotten really good at wasting. And I’m done with that baloney.

I have come to the understanding that being in my 50’s is pretty rad.

Do you all remember the actor Justine Batemen from the 80’s sitcom “Family Ties”? She inspired me to re-think aging, back when I saw this video in 2023.

The one thing I love about being in my 50’s is the wisdom I’ve gained. As Justine said in this clip, I’ve never been smarter and never had more connections now that I’m older. It’s true. It’s true for all of us who are in our 50’s and beyond, don’t you think?

Not that I couldn’t be smarter or have even more connections. That’s yet another reason that “growth” is my WOTY.

At almost 57, I’m more confident and aware of the skills I have which were gained through trial and error. I am more aware of my shortcomings but, and this is the most important part: I’m not as obsessed with them as I once was.

I recently joined Threads, after exiting the app previously known as Twitter. I’m enjoying it so much more and here’s an example of why that is. I was scrolling it this morning and came upon a quote I’d never read before from Betty Friedan. It encapsulates how I’m feeling about aging.

Your comments on this blog post would be much appreciated, because I believe our attitudes about aging ought to be examined. Who’s with me?