Tag Archives: Humor

Girlfriends, Humor, SNL fans

Women I have yet to meet

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I think I have a lot of writing material on the topic of my relationships with other women. I also sincerely believe that 2017 is the Year of the Woman. Seriously. So I’m going to imagine/write about what broads/chicks/badass vagina owners I would like to hang  with.  Here’s some names and scenarios off the top of my noggin:

Chelsea Handler

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I know she can be vulgar and off-putting to some. Sometimes, even to me. I say this after having recently read “Are you there Vodka? It’s me Chelsea”. Nonetheless, I admire her frankness and wit. And she’s an awesome story teller. And most importantly, she appears to me to be totally authentic.

Setting for my “gal date” with Chelsea: Some top notch wine, red or white, Chelsea’s pick. Discuss politics and social media with her. And she’s a dog lover like me. Her dogs Chunk and Tammy should most certainly be present.

 

Lisa Ling

For those of you not in the know, Lisa is a reporter with her own show on CNN, “This is Life with Lisa Ling”. She inserts herself into cultures that are different from her own experiences. She follows her curiosity. I’ve watched shows where she has spent time amidst biker gangs in L.A., with Satanists in Detroit, and where she featured  a “pick up artist” who holds retreats for nerdy single guys looking for love. I am fascinated each time. And impressed by her non-judgemental-ness that inhabits her as she is talking one on one with her interviewees. So naturally if I ever got the honor of hanging with LL, it’d have to be when she’s on assignment for her show.

Jessica Simpson

This one has all the hallmarks of a “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” type video. Jessica and I would go shopping at fun boutiques. I would ask her for fashion tips. Pedicures of course would be on the agenda. I think Jessica is likely one of those people who is smarter than she appears, but fun loving and kind. And for some reason, I picture that she eats like a 400 lb trucker and loves sweet wine.

Oprah

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“O” and I would sip tea in a her garden. I would need to allow plenty of time for this tete a tete.  Main question to ponder with her: What do you want to be known for and why? Get her best life advice. I’ve heard she does have a place here in Colorado…..

Tina and Amy

(like Oprah, last names are not necessary here)

Hear me out on this one: All my life, I’ve wanted to visit New York City. Hubs has no interest as he’s been there once and characterized the city as “smelling of urine” and made it clear he has no intentions whatsoever of going there ever again. So if I’m to go there I need a tour guide or two right? That’s where Tina and Amy would come in.  We’d tour 30 Rock,  Central Park, the Museum of Natural History. Of course I would need to check off one of my top “bucket list” items, which, not surprisingly to anyone who follows me on this blog, would be to be in the audience at SNL. No need for Tina and Amy to join me on this particular venture. They’d be way too much of a distraction for me.

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Sheryl Crow

Life long rock ‘n roll fantasy (ok, maybe since I was like 40 something): to, for one glorious moment, be a back up singer in her band during one of her concerts. Maybe in Austin, Texas. That’s a place I’d like to see some day. I’d wear some cool black rocker chick type outfit and croon along in the background to “If it Makes You Happy” or “Soak up the Sun”. Just a song or two, and I’d be satisfied. I’d also dig discussing the following topics with her: motherhood, music, and fashion. I like to think we could learn a little bit from each other.

 

Jen Sincero

Would bowing down in gratitude be too much?  Inspirational nuggets to which I cling, from Jen’s “You are a Badass” book: the interesting question of “What can I get away with?”, the line on page 65 which states “Nobody who ever accomplished anything big or new or raised a celebratory fist in the air did it from their comfort zone”, and this one from page 50: ” You’re on a journey, with no defined beginning, middle, or end. There are no wrong twists or turns. There is just being. And your job is to be as you as you can be. This is why you’re here. To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less. You are the only you there is and ever will be”. Jen has inspired me in oh so many ways. I just want to sit down and talk with her, one on one. The setting is not important to me here.  Of course my insecurity would require that I get her totally honest opinions about my writing and my blog. And I would listen with an open mind and heart to any advice she would wish to bestow upon me.

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Helen Mirren

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This woman looks damn good at 71, right? I have read about her online and the most surprising and relatable tidbit I learned was that she is a thrift store enthusiast, just like me! She doesn’t understand why a woman would spend like $888 on a new dress from a fancy boutique when they can purchase the same or similar frock at a thrift store for like 20 bucks. I am right there with her on this. Helen and I would sip tea together at Dushanbe tea house in Boulder. We would discuss her best quotes and best life lessons. This would be brilliant!

bloggingfundamentals, Inspire, marriage

On Marriage

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On May 26 of this year, Hubs and I will have been married for 27 years. I think the wisdom we have gained in all that time has resulted in our marriage being stronger now than it ever was. It also doesn’t hurt that we are empty nesters living in Colorado. We have had our ups and downs, as all married couples do. Times when I was so furious with him that I found myself calling him not so nice names and he slammed cupboard doors. Times when disagreements about our kids got very overheated. Times when one of us got a raise or bonus at work, and we went out for dinner and drinks to commemorate the moment. Times when we got out into our boat on the Mississippi River and silently marveled at its beauty together. Times when we were so poor that we couldn’t scrape enough coins from under the tattered couch cushions to afford to rent a movie at the local convenience store for $1.99.

We have essentially grown up together. We have been together for longer than we haven’t. It’s really quite mind blowing when I think of it that way.

The most valuable piece of marital advice we received was given to us by a nurse in the hospital the day after giving birth to our first born, back in 1992. She implored us to keep our marriage the #1 priority. She explained that while we were now a family of 3, we needed to maintain focus on our marriage so that we could become a strong parental unit and set a good example for our kids. This advice stuck with us. We hired babysitters or took the kids to grandma and grandpa’s house as often as we possibly could.

I think most of the tricks on how to be successful at this marriage thing came gradually, through trial and error over all these years. I’ll share the ones I feel are most important.

Give each other a break when you can. Practice kindness on a daily basis.

Participate in activities the two of you equally enjoy as often as you can. We especially enjoy the quieter moments, like going out fishing or for a hike. Or to a cool, casual place for dinner or a cocktail.

Communicate often and as clearly as possible. Listen with an open heart. Know when to shut up and just let your partner vent.

Give your spouse lots of hugs.

Don’t let yourself go to bed angry at your spouse. You will not sleep well, if at all. And whatever you were angry about is still going to be there in the morning. Just hash things out as best you can.

Give each other space sometimes. No one is truly going to be happy feeling like their spouse is attached to them at the hip. We all need our alone time.

Acknowledge when your spouse has done something well. Thank them often. Everyone needs to feel appreciated. It’s human nature.

Be a considerate roommate. Don’t leave your dirty dishes or underwear lying around. Offer to do the dishes if your spouse has done the cooking.

Always remember you are a team. Imagine if your life together was a business. Love, mutual respect, and friendship are the foundation. Both partners have a stake in this business and work with each other, day in and day out, in order to achieve mutually desired success. One partner may have skills that you simply don’t possess. Likewise, you may have skills your partner doesn’t. Once you have a good handle on what those skills are, you and your spouse are equipped with the wisdom to successfully solve problems as a unit. This comes in especially handy when parenting your spawn.

Strive to keep things interesting! Go on spontaneous adventures together. Jump in the car in the morning and head out to parts unknown, even if just for the day. Hubs and I have so many great memories of days when our only goals were to see and/or do something new to both of us and to have as much fun as possible.

With a little luck, Hubs and I will be married for another 27 years. There will be more ups and downs, ones that will be expected as part of life and ones that will completely throw us for a loop. That is life. You take the good with the bad. I take much comfort in knowing that I have my best friend, the one who loves and accepts all sides of me, the one who makes me laugh the hardest, who makes me think the deepest, and the one I trust more than anyone in the world, with me through it all.

Adult children, bloggingfundamentals, Humor, Motherhood

Dear Moms

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Dear moms of children ages 12-22,

It gets better. You don’t have to take my word for it, but you should. I have been in your shoes. I’ve experienced unnecessary dressing room drama, engaged in numerous battles over the refusal to eat lovely and nutritious meals put in front of my children (child really-you know who you are), and hosted multiple obnoxious “friends” for sleep overs.

And I survived it all. Fortunately my two kids came out relatively unscathed as well.

These two children I speak of are not perfect. Neither achieved straight A’s in any grade between 1st through 12th. Neither were gifted athletes (they can thank my genes for this as one who was consistently picked last for team sports in gym class back in the day and cannot safely ride a bike). Neither were hard workers.

Slowly but surely though, between the ages of about 21 and 24, I started to see them shine. My oldest managed to graduate with her Associates degree from technical college at the age of 23, while simultaneously juggling a full time job at a fast food chain and becoming a mother for the first time. My youngest, the artist in the family, bounced around a few places (including a stint in college which lasted a solid two years), before landing in Indianapolis where she is making a (albeit meager)  living on her art. She also learned how to speak Japanese and spent time there during her college years.

These two former knotheads are now hardworking, appreciative, resilient, intelligent and thoughtful young adults. I treasure my relationships with them now and am beyond proud of who they are becoming.

If anyone had been able to foresee the future back in about 2008 in respect to my children, I can’t say for certain I would have believed them. At the time, I figured clown college or digging ditches were more likely in their future than what they have now achieved at ages 23 and 24.

Instead, they went and surpassed my expectations. Kids are full of surprises.

So, hang in there moms. It will get better despite what may or may not be occurring in the present. You’ve got this. SAMSUNG DIGITAL CAMERA

bloggingfundamentals, Colorado living, Craft Beer, Humor, Music

The best things about living in Colorado

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After living in Colorado for almost 9 months now, I am in the throes of falling in love with this state. Life is different here than anywhere else we have lived (which includes, in order: northern Minnesota,  central Minnesota, Lubbock, TX, way northern Minnesota -I could essentially see Canada from our rented cabin,  Wichita, KS, the Twin Cities, Holmen then La Crosse, WI, and now Colorado). I am blessed to have the rare opportunity, at least for the moment, to be unencumbered by the stress of paid, full time employment. This “unencumberedness” has gifted me with the ability to slow down and appreciate my new surroundings. And let me tell you, there is a lot to love about this new state that the hubs and I now call home. Below is my list of favorite things in this oh so colorful state:

  1. The scenery! I can literally walk to the edge of our townhome community and see the Rocky Mountains. To say they are spectacular is actually an understatement. As a bonus, the majority of the daytime the skies are blue and the sun is shining. And the skies at night are often stunning, particularly around sundown. The hubs has a Nikon and has taken some tremendous photos of said skies. Like this one: 20161205_070430

 

2) There are dogs everywhere! This is especially awesome for the canine lover in me. From Kevin and Bandit, our big, furry friends who live with our neighbors across the way, to the two sweet mutts who are the children of a nice young English guy we interacted with at our local watering hole, (Twenty Brew in Westminster), to the little fur ball named “Rhoda” who has the pleasure of living with a most wonderful older couple from our church, everyone seems to have a dog (or two). And dogs are also welcome in the most unlikely of places here. Example: I recently witnessed a large golden retriever taking a nap next to his human while he was at the customer service desk at Lowe’s (and no, he did not appear to be a service dog).

3) Easy access to great live entertainment. Since living here, we’ve gone to the Buell Theater in Denver to see “MoTown the Musical” which was amazing. We’ve gone to Boulder to see the band “Cake” at the Boulder Theater which was a crazy-good, rockin’ show. We went to Left Hand Brewery’s “Leftapalooza” event which featured cover bands of The Pretenders, The Who, and other classic rock bands. We have tickets to see Train with O.A.R. and Natasha Bedingfield at Fiddler’s Green Amphitheater in Englewood on the Fourth of July, which we are super stoked about. And we have Red Rocks, which is around an hour away from where we live. While we have been there to check the place out twice now, we have yet to see a concert there. But it is certainly on our list of things to do while we are living here!

4) Okay, here’s the elephant in the room: weed is legal here (both medical and recreational), which I deem to be a very good thing. I have seen documentaries in which regular people suffering from medical conditions who have told their stories about how medical cannabis has dramatically decreased their pain levels and increased their appetite so they could gain much needed weight. From what I understand, the legalization of weed has been quite a boon to the economy here as well, as a host of new jobs have been created as a result.

5) The Next with Kyle Clark on 9 news. This is my favorite news program. The stories are often of the human interest variety, but always specific to Colorado. I learn something new about this state every time I watch it. And that Kyle Clark is a good looking, smart, and witty guy a person might just like to have a beer and shoot the sh*&t with.

Snippet of Kyle Clark doing his thing

6)  That of course brings me to the beer. Specifically craft beer. After living here for 9 months, I very likely would be considered a “beer snob” by my old pals still living in Wisconsin. I’m good with that though. Our favorite local joint, Twenty Brew, serves up a rotating menu of Colorado craft beer. You can purchase 4 oz. tasters up to 16 oz. glasses of anything from Kolsch styles, a wide variety of IPA’s, Stouts, Lagers, and more. An added bonus here is that the bartenders, and sometimes other patrons, are always up for lively conversations. There are also numerous breweries within a short drive from our house, such as Westminster Brewing Company, Left Hand Brewing, 4 Noses, and Wild Woods (just to name a very few we have visited). The best ones have outdoor seating, where you can sit back and enjoy the beautiful scenery and sometimes catch some cool live music. Here’s hubs and I at Twisted Pines Brewery in Boulder (highly recommend-not only do they have great beer but the food is amazing). 20170409_122706 (1).jpg

7) The people! I love the friendships I have started to make here. There’s my new hairdresser, who is a spunky, hilarious, big hearted tattooed  and pierced mother of two who operates her business in the basement of her home. There’s my dynamic, artistically talented, kind and smart friend Tina, who I met through the “Meet Up” website. There’s the folks I volunteer with at FISH, a food pantry in Broomfield, through whom I am learning a lot about Colorado.

My ultimate goal for this summer, amidst a trip to see our beloved family and friends in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and a work related trip with the Hubs to D.C., is to experience more of what makes Colorado, well Colorado. And for those of you pronouncing it “Col-oh-rado”, I heard from a legit source (The Next’s Kyle Clark) that the natives pronounce it “Col-ah-rad-o”. A concert at Red Rocks just might be on the agenda. I will certainly keep you all abreast of our shenanigans in this uniquely wonderful state we now call home.

 

 

 

bloggingfundamentals, Inspire, Laughter

Things that make my heart smile (in list form)

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  1. Communicating non-verbally with babies in public (think church, the airport, grocery stores)
  2. The alluring smell of Thanksgiving turkey coming out of my oven.
  3. Listening to Stevie Wonder songs. Literally any of them.
  4. Looking at funny pics of my spawn in their younger days.
  5. Watching news stories about faith communities helping each other out in times of trouble (think recent stories about Jews helping Muslims and vice versa after experiencing vandalism in cemeteries and fires in mosques). These stories increase my faith in humanity and in God.
  6. Watching quirky, uplifting movies (ex: Moonrise Kingdom, St. Vincent, Love Actually)
  7. Petting dogs.
  8. Positive adoption stories (both the two legged and four legged kind)
  9. Shopping at thrift stores (often it’s a win-win as many, such as Goodwill or Arc employ people with developmental disabilities and I save tons of money and reduce my impact on the environment).
  10. Gazing at the beautiful Colorado skies.
  11.  Sipping a lovely glass of red wine at the end of a long day.
  12. Finding a great self help book and actually getting something out of it!
  13. Older women in public that are dressed to the nines. Reminds me of my Grandma on my dad’s side (my cousins nicknamed her “Pearl Pearl the Party Girl” but “Glamma” would have been an appropriate moniker too).
  14. Exploring new cities with my exceedingly amazing other half.
  15. Sitting  with the other half in a boat on a lake in Wisconsin or Minnesota on a warm sunny day. Or on a beach in Florida on a warm sunny day.
  16. Volunteering (food banks, Habitat for Humanity, serving meals to the homeless)
  17. Redheads (not sure what that’s about to be honest)
  18. When I make someone laugh!
  19. When I see strangers doing kind things for other strangers in public (holding the door for an elderly person, people that  happily allow someone that has way fewer things in their grocery cart cut ahead of them,  those awesome millennial gals who were providing free hugs to those of us on our way to a rally supporting Muslims a few Saturdays ago).
  20. The smell of freshly brewed coffee in the morning.
  21. Spending quality time with the other half of me, our  spawn, our beautiful grandson, extended family near and far, and all those friends we’ve collected along the way.

My sincere hope for anyone reading this is that you are able to, despite all your personal day to day stressors and the fear inspired noise going on in the world today, remain in touch with those things that make your heart smile too. Your heart and soul will be so much better for it. Trust me.

 

bloggingfundamentals, Inspire, Laughter

Deep Thoughts about Turning 50 (in list form-I love making lists!)

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  1. 20170131_185008-1Holy crap!! I’m 50?!
  2. Fun fact: Sometimes I pee a little when I sneeze really hard now.
  3. Reading glasses are now a permanent part of my daily ensemble.
  4. Wearing sweatpants in public is now completely acceptable to me.
  5. As a married woman with a not too shabby sex life, I no longer have to be worried about becoming pregnant (‘course that ship sailed long ago..but still, it’s a pretty cool perk).
  6. I now think before I eat so I make better food choices than I used to. With the exception of the piece of gourmet chocolate birthday cake which was  most certainly bigger than my head (and possibly my ass, combined) when I thought “I’m going to eat this whole thing because, well, it’s my birthday-duh!”)
  7. Regular massages are simply. The. Best. Thing. Ever. (well, except for gourmet chocolate birthday cake).
  8. I’m cool with being a grandma now. Way more fun than being a parent for sure! As my mother in law has said “if I had known how much fun being a grandparent was, I would have done that first!” Not like that makes any real sense of course, but you get the gist.
  9. I have way more to write about at age 50, than let’s say, aged 27 and 3/4.
  10. I’ve got less time to waste (which can be anxiety producing or motivating as hell, depending on my mood that day).

It’s all about perspective, right people?