Category Archives: SocialAnxiety

Memory, SocialAnxiety, Work

Superpowers

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Recently, I attended a work conference where we were directed to pick a name from a bowl, then find the person with that name over the course of the conference. We were told to introduce ourselves to our person and share with them what our “superpower” was.

Much internal debate ensued about if the “superpower” was supposed to be directly related to our roles in our workplaces. I landed on that I was “really good” with names and numbers. In that, I believe my brain retains them better than the average bear.

The person who had my name (Lacey) said that is her superpower too, adding that she had a “photographic memory”. Me too, I said. Of course, as I’m returning to my seat, my anxious brain started asking questions about that. Do I really have a “photographic memory”? Was that too much for me to claim? So of course I googled the term and came to the conclusion that no, that is not something I have.

Per Merriam-Webster.com: photographic memory

noun

: an unusual ability to remember things completely and exactly as they were seen, read, etc.

I am good with names and numbers, though. At least 95% of the time, after having met someone once, then seeing them again, say two months later, I will remember their name. And when it comes to numbers, my brain is so weird. I don’t consider myself good at math, but I tell you, I remember dates and phone numbers.

For instance, I can tell you that one of my best friends in middle school, the curly-headed SueEllen, celebrates her birthday on June 5th. I can remember that the landline phone number I had, 20-some odd years ago, was 894-8447. I’m enamored with the number 8, as I’ve written about muchly over the years on this blog. I notice the number 8 everywhere I go; perhaps I’m searching for it subconsiously because it’s the one number that appears over and over again for me when good things happen. Who knows with these things.

I don’t think it’s a stretch either for me to say that you’d be a fool to not include me on your trivia team.

What’s your superpower?

Perhaps you could ponder that question while you enjoy today’s musical offering.

Ambition, Anxiety, Blogging, Curiosity, Fear, Irony, Overthinking, Self-Reflection, SocialAnxiety

This Time I Have a Question For You

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Why do you blog?

Let me explain where this question comes from.

My blogging anxiety these days is hitting an all-time high. I started a series, here, the 4th installment of what you are reading now, entitled “I Have Questions”. I’m terrible at promoting myself but I know it’s part of the deal if I want to grow my following and make something more of this blogging thing. In that spirit, here’s the first, second, and third post in my series.

I fear I may have inadvertently set myself up for failure by starting this series. It came from a good and curious place, but I didn’t think it through. Questions? We all have questions, right? What those questions are can’t be forced, which is what I’ve been struggling with. Which I think is ridiculous.

I published a post in March of 2021, when I was working still. It was about why I blog. And I missed some things in that post. I didn’t go deep enough.

It’s still true that I blog for the connections I make and the things I learn along the way in the blogosphere. And yes, I still blog because the feedback I often get is validating and gives me warm fuzzies.

I now have more followers than I did then so it seemed right to me to ponder the question again, with the hope that you will all join in. Posing this question now also gives me an opportunity to tell you all, from my heart, why I have kept this up.

The primary reason I blog, or more specifically, write, is because it’s much more comfortable for me to find the words and write them out than it is for me to find the words and use my voice to speak them out loud. Especially when I have a lot to say, which you all know I do.

When I was younger and had an argument with someone, often I’d be so upset that all I could do was cry. I couldn’t form the words or turn off the tears easily. So I would grab a notebook and write it all out. Sometimes I’d craft it into a letter that I’d give to the person who had upset me so. Often the act of writing it down had to be enough because I believed sharing it with them would not be welcome or understood.

While I love being around people and having meaningful conversations, it gives me a lot of anxiety. I feel embarrassed if others eyes are on me, which results in me tripping over or mispronouncing words, or I freeze mid-sentence and lose whatever train of thought I was riding on. Writing is easier. No one is looking at me while I do it, waiting for me to get to the damn point already.

I recognize the irony here, however. The irony of being so self-conscious when conversing with others that I don’t show up as well as I want to; yet here I am, telling so much of my business on the internet where literally anyone can see it. And judge me.

Maybe I’m crazy. Probably. Because I’m sticking with the blogging thing, including my “I Have Questions” series.

It still feels right to me.

So, again, I ask: why do you blog?