Tag Archives: Seinfeld

Remember that one show about nothing?

Over the past few months, Hubs and I have taken to watching re-runs of “Seinfeld”, typically between watching our favorite MSNBC shows in the evenings. You know, to mix things up a little bit. I’m of the opinion that “Seinfeld” is one of those shows that people either love or hate. People either get it or they don’t get it. There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground here.

I am one of those people who gets it. 

The secret to appreciate this show is this: you are not supposed to like the characters. This is not Friends, people. Unlike popping a cold one and hoping that Rachel and Ross get back together, you will not be rooting for Jerry, Elaine, George, or Kramer. They are not warm, fuzzy, likeable characters. That’s not the point of this show. What is the point is that the characters, the writing, and the storylines are consistently hilarious.

I’ve heard Jerry Seinfeld himself remark that “Seinfeld” is a show about nothing. That to me is not quite accurate. This is a show about hapless, clueless, self-absorbed, single-for-a-reason New Yorkers getting themselves into ridiculous circumstances based on poor choices.

Like any sitcom, some episodes funnier than others. To me, there are multiple character quirks, lines, and scenarios that never fail to crack me up.

Like when George interacts with his parents. These people communicate via loud yelling in most every circumstance. And usually the circumstance, in one way or another, involves one of them perceiving themselves to be wronged by someone else. Like this:

 

And then there’s Kramer. What an original character! I cannot imagine this role being played by anyone other than Michael Richards. His entrances are frequently quite spectacular. Like this one:

 

Kramer is even funnier here, using his physical comedy skills to the hilt:

 

Elaine’s facial expressions kill me! Like this one:

George and his ridiculous lies have been known to make me cackle hysterically, like this one:

And then there’s Jerry’s straight man one liners that are often comic gold:

“You kept making all the stops?”

This is what I imagine would happen with these four chuckleheads if the show had still been on the air during the Presidential election of 2016:

Kramer would be a big Trump guy. Jerry and George would be completely indecisive. Elaine would be all about Hillary. And all but Kramer would actually vote.

Elaine would try for sure. She would be volunteering for the Hillary campaign where she’d end up in some convoluted circumstance where she’d be competing to get supporters for Hillary against the “bra-less” candy bar heiress. Here she is: Image result for seinfeld memes braless

Somehow it would end with Elaine”winning” a truckload of candy bars for her efforts. But she’d get hung up somehow. Maybe she’d be so pooped she’d fall asleep on the train on the way to the voting venue and end up in New Jersey. Or Kramer would end up driving her and he’d get pulled over by police for throwing candy bars out the window, knocking out an innocent bystander, so Elaine wouldn’t make it to vote in time. It would be all for naught, similar to many endings of Seinfeld episodes.

I’m about 88% sure I haven’t seen each and every episode of Seinfeld, so tell me, fellow Seinfeldians, what’s your favorite one?

 

 

 

Facebook has my back

I am a big fat sucker for those inane personality tests on Facebook. I am surely not alone in this. Otherwise, those smarty pants techno wizards behind Facebook would not continue to come up with them. Loads of suckers are out there, just like me, simply dying to know what color their “aura” is (mine is pink. I am certain you needed to know that).

So I am nearing a point in my “gap year” (that one year when you have graduated from school-or in my case, my job as a social worker, and you have all these big great life altering ideas and you spend far too much time reading, blogging, gorging on MSNBC, drinking craft beer, watching Seinfeld reruns and taking important Facebook tests), where actual paid employment is quickly becoming something that I best achieve, if for no other reason than I simply must have more financial resources to start seriously knocking off some items off my travel bucket list.

So, that said, what if I turned all of that flipping valuable knowledge of myself gleaned through these perfectly scientifically based Facebook personality tests into the most EPIC cover letter or resume for the job I will obviously get?

It might look something like this:

Dear future employer (see how confident I am? I am telling THEM that they will be my employer. Turning those tables around. Go me!),

Hi, my name is Rhonda and I’m pretty awesome (bam! did it again). Facebook has assured me of this, and as you know, Facebook is the. Ultimate. Authority. On. Everything.

First off, let’s be clear that I shall not work for your organization/company/publication past the age of 61, because Facebook told me that is the age at which I will retire. That gives you 11 years of my personal awesomeness, thankyouverymuch. At the age of 61, my assets will be no less than 98 million U.S. dollars. Facebook is certain that I will amass $66,999 per month. I’m no mathematician (though I’m sure there’s an app for that), but I think it’s safe to assume that making $66,999 per month will equal to at least 98 million bucks by the time I’m ready to say “take this job and shove it” and drive my Bugatti

Here’s my future ride-the Bugatti. Thanks Facebook! You’re the best.

over to my country villa with my 7 dogs). Facebook really gets me. Thank the good Lord someone does. Sheesh.

I would be remiss to neglect mentioning what it is exactly that I can offer you as your next employee (see-did it again-I’m on a flipping role here). I have it on very good authority (Facebook, duh!) that my IQ is 198. So I’m basically a genius. And my EQ (emotional intelligence-not sure why Facebook uses a Q instead of an I here, but I can overlook this one small error) is 179. And not only that, I am 193% precise. Precise at what you ask? I may have to do another Facebook test for that, but it’s probably safe to assume I am precise at doing doctorly things like open heart surgery, circumcisions, and popping blackheads. Because the job that most suits me is being a Doctor, according to official sources at Facebook.

Heads up dear bosses-I require a minimum of 88 days of per year, not including weekends, holidays, birthdays (mine, family members, and all my Facebook friends or course), and sick days (even doctors get sick sometimes), to allow me the time required to write my autobiography entitled “How I learned to Dance in the Rain”. I have to credit the geniuses of Facebook for coming up with this title. Somehow they learned of my tremendous dancing skills and that I know a lot about rain because I married a meteorologist. Damn they’re good.

Elaine Benes, my dancing idol

In conclusion, I’d like to point out that if you make the poor choice of not hiring me right now, I am 99% Bitch. Actually, to be more specific, I am the Queen Bitch. That means, according to the psychics at Facebook, that I always get what I want because I go after it 100%. And obvs, no one messes with me as a result. You’ve been warned.

See you next Monday at the office!

You’re welcome,

Pollyanna