Category Archives: political humor

How I'm Rolling Right now: the DC version

Ok, let me start with the obvious. I’m going to be in Washington, DC soon.

I am serving in the role of Hubs’ “plus one”. He has to be there for work. I am tagging along and will have the luxury of unsupervised time in our nation’s capital.

I am one lucky broad.

As I write this, I’m in the midst of what is best described as the “Holiday Gauntlet”. Hubs and I are going to be tremendously busy with wrapping Christmas presents, decorating the house, and baking cookies to send to friends and family far and wide, until we get on that airplane. The point is to wrap it all up before we go.

Thus begins the annual Christmas cookie baking and packaging extravaganza!

This means the time I have to create an itinerary for myself while in DC is a bit limited.

There are certainly some “must do’s” swirling in my head.

Here are but a few:

Visit the Newseum

Get myself a Snickerdoodle McFlurry from McDonald’s

Have dinner at Mrs. K’s Toll House

Visit the museum of American History

Visit the National Portrait Gallery

Shopping

Seeing a classic holiday movie at the AFI theater near the hotel we are staying at (Choices are “Holiday Affair” and “Miracle on 34th Street” neither of which I’ve actually seen). I am very open to your opinions on this btw.

I recognize that the above list is pretty random and maybe even a little tame. There’s a reason for that, beyond having the better part of 3 days to myself while I’m there. I’m using my guiding macronym here: Keep It Simple Sister. Because I rather like the idea of going at my own pace when I’m on my own in DC. Ensuring I’ve enough time to write. And sleep. And catch up on my reading. And use the earbuds I’ve had forever and a day and never used so I can listen to podcasts I downloaded on my cell phone.

My intention here is to ensure I’ve not overplanned myself so much that I don’t take notice of my surroundings. It’s DC, after all. For all I know I could be riding the Metro and end up sitting next to Bernie Sanders. Or Nancy Pelosi. Or the notorious RBG. Note to self: ponder what you might say and/or questions you might ask if this type of opportunity presents itself. One never knows, right? Maybe I’ll be sitting innocently in a coffee shop and overhear a private conversation between 3 Republican senators about how much they want to impeach Trump but they don’t have the guts. I could find myself being a fly on the wall who pulls out her handy dandy chromebook and captures the experience for this blog. Or better yet, the woman who appeals to their better angels and convinces them to do the right thing. Ha!

Or perhaps I accidentally become swallowed up in a swarm of protesters protesting against the Bullshitter-in-Chief. Now that would be an interesting blog piece, right?

So clearly I must keep my wits about me just in case.

I found my old metro cards from previous times I’ve been in DC, so I’m ready to do some exploring!

Word Nerd

A couple of months ago,  I engaged in conversation with a new food bank client. He told me about his life and his education. He shared his love of grammar and communication. He told me that he was so proud of his granddaughter, who at the age of 3, correctly used the word “ubiquitous” in a sentence.

Hard to believe, right? He may have been lying about this. Though who in their right mind would lie about this type of thing?

Either way, it matters not. This conversation, however, did get me thinking, as a former English major, about this basic fact: I love words. Especially unique ones. Ones that are fun to say. Words that have a super special ability to convey precisely the right sentiment at the right moment.

And of course, I was prompted to look up the actual definition of the word “ubiquitous”. You know, just to double check my understanding of it’s meaning. It’s been a few years since I was an English major.

According to good old Merriam-Webster:

Definition of ubiquitous

existing or being everywhere at the same time constantly encountered:
Allow me to use this beautiful word in a sentence:
One could say that the smell of weed on Pearl Street in Boulder, Colorado was ubiquitous.
Here’s a few more lovely words to nerd out on:

Definition of compunction

1aanxiety arising from awareness of guilt compunctions of conscience
bdistress of mind over an anticipated action or result… showed no compunction in planning devilish engines of … destruction.— Havelock Ellis
2a twinge of misgiving SCRUPLE cheated without compunction… he had no compunction about brushing aside legal technicalities.— Robert Penn Warren
Used in a sentence:
Attorney General William Barr summarized the Mueller report without compunction. 

Definition of kerfuffle

a disturbance or commotion typically caused by a dispute or conflict In all the kerfuffle, nobody seemed to have noticed Harry, which suited him perfectly.— J. K. RowlingIt’s not the only school with dress code issues; almost every week there’s a local story about some kerfuffle over what kids wear to school.— Belinda Luscombe
In a sentence: Despite all the kerfuffle made by the Chicago police and the media at large, the case against Jussie Smollett has been thrown out. 

Definition of vociferous

marked by or given to vehement insistent outcry
What a great word, that vociferous.
In sentence form:
I vociferously disagree with climate change deniers. 

Definition of foppish

1obsolete FOOLISHSILLY
2acharacteristic of a fopfoppish dressing gown
bbehaving or dressing in the manner of a fop
A sentence for this word: 

Trump’s cronies are often quite foppish; just look at Roger Stone.

Image result for image of roger stone

Definition of milquetoast

a timid, meek, or unassertive person
In the form of a sentence:

Hubs has been telling me for a while now that he believes the democrats are too milquetoast. 

Now I’d like to hear from you, readers who appreciate words like I do: What are some words you enjoy using? 

Remember that one show about nothing?

Over the past few months, Hubs and I have taken to watching re-runs of “Seinfeld”, typically between watching our favorite MSNBC shows in the evenings. You know, to mix things up a little bit. I’m of the opinion that “Seinfeld” is one of those shows that people either love or hate. People either get it or they don’t get it. There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground here.

I am one of those people who gets it. 

The secret to appreciate this show is this: you are not supposed to like the characters. This is not Friends, people. Unlike popping a cold one and hoping that Rachel and Ross get back together, you will not be rooting for Jerry, Elaine, George, or Kramer. They are not warm, fuzzy, likeable characters. That’s not the point of this show. What is the point is that the characters, the writing, and the storylines are consistently hilarious.

I’ve heard Jerry Seinfeld himself remark that “Seinfeld” is a show about nothing. That to me is not quite accurate. This is a show about hapless, clueless, self-absorbed, single-for-a-reason New Yorkers getting themselves into ridiculous circumstances based on poor choices.

Like any sitcom, some episodes funnier than others. To me, there are multiple character quirks, lines, and scenarios that never fail to crack me up.

Like when George interacts with his parents. These people communicate via loud yelling in most every circumstance. And usually the circumstance, in one way or another, involves one of them perceiving themselves to be wronged by someone else. Like this:

 

And then there’s Kramer. What an original character! I cannot imagine this role being played by anyone other than Michael Richards. His entrances are frequently quite spectacular. Like this one:

 

Kramer is even funnier here, using his physical comedy skills to the hilt:

 

Elaine’s facial expressions kill me! Like this one:

George and his ridiculous lies have been known to make me cackle hysterically, like this one:

And then there’s Jerry’s straight man one liners that are often comic gold:

“You kept making all the stops?”

This is what I imagine would happen with these four chuckleheads if the show had still been on the air during the Presidential election of 2016:

Kramer would be a big Trump guy. Jerry and George would be completely indecisive. Elaine would be all about Hillary. And all but Kramer would actually vote.

Elaine would try for sure. She would be volunteering for the Hillary campaign where she’d end up in some convoluted circumstance where she’d be competing to get supporters for Hillary against the “bra-less” candy bar heiress. Here she is: Image result for seinfeld memes braless

Somehow it would end with Elaine”winning” a truckload of candy bars for her efforts. But she’d get hung up somehow. Maybe she’d be so pooped she’d fall asleep on the train on the way to the voting venue and end up in New Jersey. Or Kramer would end up driving her and he’d get pulled over by police for throwing candy bars out the window, knocking out an innocent bystander, so Elaine wouldn’t make it to vote in time. It would be all for naught, similar to many endings of Seinfeld episodes.

I’m about 88% sure I haven’t seen each and every episode of Seinfeld, so tell me, fellow Seinfeldians, what’s your favorite one?

 

 

 

Dear SNL

 

For the love of all that is comically holy, please put together a political satire special this summer. You have so much fodder! You owe this to your fans. And we really need humor right now, especially with the crappy White House reality show on our screens 24/7. Let me give you some specific ideas:

Alec Baldwin as Trump. Duh. As a devoted SNL fan, we need to see his take on Trump pushing aside the world leader as if he was the leader of a gang of bullies on the school playground.
Toddler Trump shove

I would also like to see a revival of the “man baby” skit (SNL man baby) which could very easily incorporate Baldwin as Trump.

How about a skit with Ivanka (Scarlett Johansson) making champagne popsicles with Martha Stewart (maybe Ana Gasteyer could make an appearance?)

We must see a skit of Jared Kushner wearing a swim cap with red horns on top. It’s all about his voice though. In real life, we know not what it actually sounds like. It’s got to be either like super annoying like Pee Wee Herman or Gilbert Gottfried, or it’s like Barry White or James Earl Jones. Obvs, Keenan is doing the voice (assuming James Earl Jones is not available. And Jimmy Fallon will be doing Jared, with Keenan in a bubble dressed like BW/JEJ). Bad lip syncing may or may not ensue. The bonus is that Jimmy would have a hard time keeping himself from busting a gut laughing during this skit. Jimmy doing Jared

I also believe we need to see the following: Puppets. Not like the Muppets. More like marionettes, like John Cusak used in Being John Malkovich (one of my favorite movies). So Putin is the master puppeteer. The puppet of course is Alec Baldwin as Trump, who is then the puppeteer of Sean Spicer. So basically you have the trifecta of political comedy, with Melissa McCarthy using her physical comic genius to the max as Sean Spicer, the poor pitiful puppet. Trump puppet speech

This extravaganza also needs to include Cecily Strong as Girl from the Party. But the party was at Jared and Ivanka’s place. Just imagine the goofy things she would say. She’d call them “Merveena and Joren”.
Cecily Strong

Kathy Griffin. This is a risky one to be certain. It has to be the right female comic to do Kathy Griffin (Melissa Villasenor who does the best and weirdest impressions. Love her so much). So it’s SNL-ified version of her apology video. Only we see Steve Bannon (aka the grim reaper) in shadow behind her. Maybe Trump/Baldwin would be in the periphery.

Melissa as Kathy Griffin

So get to work, SNL Writers! The fodder is much too plentiful at this moment to not take this opportunity to create the most epic political satire extravaganza to date.

If only I could be a fly on the wall in the SNL writer’s room……