Category Archives: Family Dynamics

Aging, Community, Curiosity, Family Dynamics, Grief, Life, Reading, Spirituality, Wisdom, Work, Writing

Not To Be Morbid or Anything

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One of the tasks I am responsible for at work is checking the obituaries. We have an Excel spread sheet that is used to track the vital information: name, city, date of birth, date of death. We do this so that we remain aware of who has passed in our county. That way, if it happens to be a client, volunteer, or donor, we can ensure a sympathy card goes out in the mail and/or a name is taken off our mailing list, lest a widow or widower receives a solicitation from our organization in the mail with their deceased spouse’s name on it.

Some obits are short and to the point, not revealing much about the deceased beyond who preceded them in death and who from their earthly orbit is left to mourn their loss. These trigger my imagination. I ponder what the reasons could have been for these sparsely worded obits. Perhaps the deceased was not well-liked by their family? Or maybe, perhaps even worse, not well-known? Or perhaps they were so beloved that their loved ones just couldn’t put their heads around how to even begin to express their love for them in writing, momentarily emotionally paralyzed by their grief.

I suppose a percentage of the obits I read are written by paid professionals, though I can’t know for sure. It makes me wonder what information is requested of the families by the writer to allow them to create a tribute to the dearly departed that accurately captures who they were in life. What a sacred thing to be entrusted with.

Often, it seems, in particular with elderly females that have passed, the newly deceased are described in their obits as being “selfless”. I understand for those penning these obits this is high praise, but I can’t help but wonder if these “selfless” women actually got to enjoy their one and only precious lives at all. Or were they just too busy making sure everyone else was taken care of to do any taking care of themselves? No doubt this is a result of both the patriarchy and the generation these folks came up in.

One trend that I’ve noticed in these obituaries, which occurred on Mr. NOA’s side of the family (his maternal grandmother), is that folks are not always having funerals, or even “celebrations of life”. Often, it’s stated in the obits that this is per the deceased wishes.

I don’t get this at all. Funerals and “celebrations of life” are for the living. They are for the people who are devastated that you have passed on from this earthly sphere. Honestly, I think it’s selfish. However, I do understand a person not wanting to have an open casket when their family is having a funeral. I think that’s where Mr. NOA’s grandma was coming from; she didn’t want people looking at her lifeless body in a casket. I don’t want that either. I say cremate me, have a big ‘ol party and listen to my favorite songs.

Some obituaries are so beautifully written and with enough detail to make me wish I had known the person. Like the woman who had a dog named “George Michael Bluth“. I think she was an educator and loved to garden. Or the man who woke his children up by singing “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” at the top of his lungs every day.

There are times when the obits I read are of people who were not elderly. The ones whose lives were cut very short by a sudden medical emergency, accident, or cancer diagnoses. It brings it home for me that life is so fleeting and any control we think we have in how it’s going to end is delusional. It makes me feel like I want to take my life more seriously. Not take myself more seriously, mind you. Just life. Recognizing that each day I get is one to enjoy and appreciate.

I struggled a bit to find the right song to end this blog post with. As an elder Gen Xer, my brain kept returning to the first sad song I remember hearing as a kid, Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks. My sister had it on an old ’45 that I could play on my little plastic turntable back in about 1975. When I checked YouTube, I was surprised to learn that Nirvana recorded their own version of this song. Seems fitting to me.

So if you could use a good cry…enjoy?

Entertainment, family, Family Dynamics, Fun, Game Shows, Humor, Psychology, Television

8 Reasons Why You Need to Watch This

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In the last few months, Hubs and I have been amusing ourselves by watching Family Feud (with “your man” Steve Harvey) in the early evenings.

The two of us have a pretty short list of the shows we have gotten into together over the years, and for many of them, we only made it to just beyond the middle of the series, if that.

But then there’s Family Feud (with Steve Harvey): a game show pitting two American families against each other to win an amount of money, after taxes, which covers most of the cost of travel/hotel/meals for them if they’re lucky.

These are the things, perhaps because of my social work background, that I think about sometimes when I watch the show with Hubs. I hope for their sakes that none of them wind up in the negative financially as a result of their participation.

So I got a little side-tracked there. My apologies.

But, you know what, and I say this on account of my rosy-shaded lenses, I imagine that if you were to interview members of these families shortly after their experience on this hilarious and life-affirming half-hour American game show, they’d tell you that they had so much fun. Not only while taping the show together as a unit, but the getting there. The great seafood they had the night before at the restaurant across from their hotel. The brief, perhaps awkward and funny, conversations they may have had prior to taping with someone from the other family’s team.

Anyway, that’s my theory. Pardon my verbosity.

Truthfully, I’ve just got so much to say about what I think, feel, and wonder about this show, I should just find some fan club online so I can really geek out about it.

Excuse me while I imagine a scenario in which I’ve befriended legit fans who are real and decent people and together we form a weekly Zoom gathering during which we watch one episode together and gab about it as we go.

Fun, fun, fun!!

Ok, I’ll end this post with the most important point of all, which is why YOU, yes YOU, need to DVR (that’s how these Gen X’ers do it), stream, or simply watch Family Fued in real time with Steve Harvey ASAP.

Consider it a pitch, if you will.

8 Reasons Why YOU need to watch FFWSH (or fwish, if you prefer):

  • Because diversity is awesome! You get a more clear picture of the diversity of American families in the here and now when you watch it.
  • Steve Harvey’s ad-libbing and the faces he makes. He is a comedic genius, to me, with his deadpan responses or imitations of other family members’ potential reactions to the contestant’s answers.
  • The questions! But MY biggest question about the questions is thus: Who are and where do they find the people being surveyed? Ok, yes, this question is a two-parter, I realize, but come on! I have theories, let’s just say. It’d be interesting to find out if they were baseless or not.
  • The answers! How I see it is that there is one of two ways the almost always bonkers questions can be answered: from a completely subjective point of view (as in, how you would answer if someone came up to you in the cereal aisle of the grocery store and asked you this question), or from a more objective point of view (as in, how you think this random group of 100 married men would respond to the question).
  • “Your Man” Steve Harvey’s impeccable suits (most of them anyway-critiquing them is something I’ve been known to engage in while viewing this show).
  • The simplicity of it. Anyone can play! Not necessarily well, mind you. There is often that one contestant that’s either jet-legged or overly nervous or terribly hard of hearing or whatever, who gives the strangest possible answer. And it’s hilarious, because once in a while that “strangest possible answer” is on the board!
  • The fashion! I appreciate that the families on the show, in the majority of cases, put careful thought into what outifts they are going to wear. They typically wear a matching color scheme, have treated themselves to manicures, and put on their best ties or dresses. It’s maybe a little of a throwback to days long ago, when people were first experiencing air travel. They dressed to the nines to commemorate the exciting event.
  • You get just a little peak into family dynamics. Maybe that sounds voyeuristic, but it’s interesting to me. Seeing the love, the trust, the support displayed between family members gives me good vibes. Witnessing a truly surprising reaction via body language to an answer another family member comes up with can be hilarious.

And now, a little song and dance courtesy of You Tube and Sister Sledge. Check out those chic matching outfits!