Monthly Archives: July 2026

Aging, Community, Curiosity, Family Dynamics, Grief, Life, Reading, Spirituality, Wisdom, Work, Writing

Not To Be Morbid or Anything

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One of the tasks I am responsible for at work is checking the obituaries. We have an Excel spread sheet that is used to track the vital information: name, city, date of birth, date of death. We do this so that we remain aware of who has passed in our county. That way, if it happens to be a client, volunteer, or donor, we can ensure a sympathy card goes out in the mail and/or a name is taken off our mailing list, lest a widow or widower receives a solicitation from our organization in the mail with their deceased spouse’s name on it.

Some obits are short and to the point, not revealing much about the deceased beyond who preceded them in death and who from their earthly orbit is left to mourn their loss. These trigger my imagination. I ponder what the reasons could have been for these sparsely worded obits. Perhaps the deceased was not well-liked by their family? Or maybe, perhaps even worse, not well-known? Or perhaps they were so beloved that their loved ones just couldn’t put their heads around how to even begin to express their love for them in writing, momentarily emotionally paralyzed by their grief.

I suppose a percentage of the obits I read are written by paid professionals, though I can’t know for sure. It makes me wonder what information is requested of the families by the writer to allow them to create a tribute to the dearly departed that accurately captures who they were in life. What a sacred thing to be entrusted with.

Often, it seems, in particular with elderly females that have passed, the newly deceased are described in their obits as being “selfless”. I understand for those penning these obits this is high praise, but I can’t help but wonder if these “selfless” women actually got to enjoy their one and only precious lives at all. Or were they just too busy making sure everyone else was taken care of to do any taking care of themselves? No doubt this is a result of both the patriarchy and the generation these folks came up in.

One trend that I’ve noticed in these obituaries, which occurred on Mr. NOA’s side of the family (his maternal grandmother), is that folks are not always having funerals, or even “celebrations of life”. Often, it’s stated in the obits that this is per the deceased wishes.

I don’t get this at all. Funerals and “celebrations of life” are for the living. They are for the people who are devastated that you have passed on from this earthly sphere. Honestly, I think it’s selfish. However, I do understand a person not wanting to have an open casket when their family is having a funeral. I think that’s where Mr. NOA’s grandma was coming from; she didn’t want people looking at her lifeless body in a casket. I don’t want that either. I say cremate me, have a big ‘ol party and listen to my favorite songs.

Some obituaries are so beautifully written and with enough detail to make me wish I had known the person. Like the woman who had a dog named “George Michael Bluth“. I think she was an educator and loved to garden. Or the man who woke his children up by singing “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” at the top of his lungs every day.

There are times when the obits I read are of people who were not elderly. The ones whose lives were cut very short by a sudden medical emergency, accident, or cancer diagnoses. It brings it home for me that life is so fleeting and any control we think we have in how it’s going to end is delusional. It makes me feel like I want to take my life more seriously. Not take myself more seriously, mind you. Just life. Recognizing that each day I get is one to enjoy and appreciate.

I struggled a bit to find the right song to end this blog post with. As an elder Gen Xer, my brain kept returning to the first sad song I remember hearing as a kid, Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks. My sister had it on an old ’45 that I could play on my little plastic turntable back in about 1975. When I checked YouTube, I was surprised to learn that Nirvana recorded their own version of this song. Seems fitting to me.

So if you could use a good cry…enjoy?

ADHD, Anxiety, Emotions, Life, Mental Health, Overthinking, Psychology

This Darn Twitch

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I am sick of the twitch in my left eye.

This annoying twitch comes about when I’m overstimulated, or when my brain is rapid-fire running through scenarios in my head where, for instance, the response I’m waiting for from someone is the most awful I can imagine. Or I’m gearing up to tell someone something I’m scared to tell them. Or when my must-be-planning-something-all-the-time-brain is in overdrive (which is often). Or when two people are talking to me at the same time.

Can anyone relate to this whatsoever?

This twitch of which I speak, I wonder: could it be related to my thus-far undiagnosed ADHD? After reflecting on my ways of being around other people ever since forever, along with recent commentary from two of my dearest family members, I’ve decided once and for alI to get the testing done. I saw my new primary care provider last month and she is referring me to another provider who does ADD/ADHD testing. For the longest time, despite suspecting I have it, I’ve had the attitude of “well, so what am I going to do with that information if I test ‘positive'”? Part of me still feels that way. In spite of that, I’m moving forward with it. Because I figure it’ll help me, whether I have ADHD or not, to understand my weirdness better. And if I do have it, perhaps I can learn tips and tricks that will help me function better in the world. Or get on meds that will chill me out.

It occurred to me recently, after not keeping a running to-do list for a week or so, that I feel so much better when I have a to-do list in progress at all times. It’s like a trick that helps to keep me on track. And it further occurred to me that the reason my to-do lists have proven so beneficial to me personally is because of my alleged ADHD.

Members of my family agree with me that my mom, Bonnie, most certainly had ADHD all her life, though she was never officially diagnosed. She was very high-energy, extraordinarily chatty, easily distracted, and was forever making to-do lists (like me). Bonnie always, always, had to have something to do. And if she was merely taking a breather between, say, ironing everyone’s clothes in our little kitchen, and baking some goodies, her fingers would be tapping out a tune on the table in front of her, or she’d be humming a song to herself.

Bonnie isn’t the only family member with ADHD either. There’s lots of examples of it throughout my family tree. There must be a hereditary component to it, right?

It stands to reason that I would fall somewhere on the ADD/ADHD spectrum. We shall see. I just need to get over the angst I feel at the thought of scheduling the appointment.

Wait, is that another clue that I have it? The angst over scheduling this (or any) appointment?

In any case, I sure hope this twitch hits the bricks soon.

Any way I slice it, I know that some mental health support will be beneficial for me in this season of my life where things feel heavier than usual and my brain feels overloaded. The song I’m sharing to cap off this week’s post does a good job of capturing where my head is at these days.

4th of July, America, Americana Music, Blogging, Community, Faith, Memories, Mental Health, Voting

Happy Birthday, America

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Happy Birthday to you, America, I guess.

Please forgive me for not feeling as enthusiastic about your special day as I did when you turned 200.

Of course, at the time, I was 9 years-old, living a safe, somewhat sheltered, comfortable life with my family in a small town in northern Minnesota. I rode my red, white, and blue bike in the 4th of July parade that year. Carefree and happy to celebrate you with my family and friends.

Let’s just say I’m conflicted about celebrating your birthday this time around. On one hand, I grieve for you and what you have become on account of three things: greed, hatred, and fear. On the other hand, I’m pissed at you. You got played so hard by our current administration and their allies and associates. Decisions you made and “truths” you were groomed to believe have put us in one hell of a mess.

Your flag, which is the greatest physical manifestation of who you are (next to the Statue of Liberty) has been used and abused by those seeking power over you and yours. You’ve allowed it to become sullied. Disrespected.

The people that thought you up are long gone now, but surely the state you are currently in was not their vision.

It’s time for you, (and me and you and you, and you), to start taking you more seriously and stop taking you for granted. One could argue it’s past time.

I can only speak for myself, but there are things that can be done to put you on the right track. Speaking up and speaking out in ways that feel authentic, staying informed about current events and sharing what you learn with others, and voting for candidates that most closely align with American values, like civil liberties and justice for all.

(Yes, I am a proud card-carrying member of the ACLU and you, my kind and smart readers, ought to consider financially supporting this vital organization).

My hope is that when you turn 251 next year, you will be in much better shape. I hope by then you will have weathered the storm that began in earnest in 1980 (with the election of Ronald Reagan) and picked up speed in 2025. That you will finally have realized in your soul that when we work together, we all benefit.

We can pause the news cycle to sit down and look at each other and figure out the best ways to get you in better shape. So you can continue on and be there, in all your glory, for generations to come. We must shine our brightest lights to lead the way for you to become who you were intended to be: a place where people are all on equal footing, the air and water is clean, tyrants are not tolerated, and other countries like yourself trust and believe in you.

Because I believe in you still.

As Senator Paul Wellstone from Minnesota said: “We all do better when we all do better”.

With Sincerity,

An American Woman

The song I’m sharing today is a cover of a famous Woody Guthrie song, which I think all of you are familiar with. The cover is done by an American rock band that I’m starting to dig more and more these days, My Morning Jacket.

Do yourself a favor and stop what you’re doing and revel in this masterpiece of a song, a loving ode to America.