Category Archives: Humor

Blogging, Creative Writing, Humor, Laughter, Party Games

Secret Confessions: 2 Truths and 1 Lie

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I really dig party games. Ice breakers. Those little games played amongst a group of willing participants which often yields surprising revelations about each other. Some of you may recall a previous post I penned related to this.

Years ago, when Hubs and I would go on our annual camping trip with a group of about 12 friends, our beer-infused revelry often led to a rollicking game of “I never”. This is a simple game, which is a good thing when you are amidst friends from “back in the day” and alcohol is involved. Have you ever played this game? If not, it starts with one person proclaiming something that they have never ever done in their whole life. Then those who have done said thing are required to take a sip of whatever they are currently imbibing. 

Suffice it to say, within a very short period of time, things could get very silly. 

Today I’d like to present to you, my fun loving readers, with my version of a similarly simple yet playful game.

Responding in the comments with your very own 2 Truths and 1 lie or whatever sarcastic anecdote you wish to share is not mandatory but would make it so much more fun for us all, amiright?

Without any further ado, I present Two Truths and One Lie.

On Movies:

  • Being John Malkovich is one of my favorite movies.
  • I seriously loved the latest Mad Max movie.
  • Christmas vacation cracks me up every time I watch it.

On Careers:

  • I think I’d be an excellent music producer.
  • My ultimate goal is to write a fiction novel.
  • I would consider going to culinary school to become a chef.

I’m still married to Hubs because:

  • He knows his way around a grill.
  • He has the best one liners.
  • Unlike me, he’s not at all picky about what movies he will watch.

Random stuff I used to believe:

  • That New England was a state.
  • That I was going to become a high school English teacher.
  • That I would always live in Minnesota.

Wacky things I have done in my life:

  • I once won a radio contest where I had to sing part of a line of the song “Tush”. I won a free sub sandwich. Yay me!
  • Once when I was in college, I successfully convinced a guy I was flirting with at a bar that I was from England.
  • One of my friends at Girl Scout camp chose to not heed our scout leader’s plea to not bring candy because bears, duh. Upon being tattled on, the scout leader led us to the fire pit where my friend’s cherished bag of candy was set ablaze. Oh, the humiliation!

On Fear:

  • I am deathly afraid of heights.
  • I am freaked out by clowns.
  • I sometimes fear my blog has already peaked.

Speaking about blogging:

  • The first title I came up with for this blog was “Subject to Change”
  • I have a buttload of technical stuff to learn.
  • I’m not scared to post about things that could make me appear to be a doofus.

Things I wish I could do successfully:

  • Ride a bike.
  • Draw pictures.
  • Plan great parties.

 

Scroll Down to see the answers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The lies….

Movies: I hated the most recent Mad Max movie. It was beyond weird, ridiculously violent, and utterly pointless. I only went because Hubs wanted to see it. More on me+Hubs+movies later.

Careers: I cannot imagine myself ever having the talent not to mention gumption to write a fiction novel. Non-fiction, with a twist of imagination suits me best.

Why I am still married to Hubs: It’s not because he and I share the same taste in movies. He will only see action movies and sometimes thrillers in the actual movie theater with me. Whereas, if I had my way, we’d go to see anything from rom-coms to westerns every weekend.

Things I used to believe: That I would always live in Minnesota. I have always pictured myself living in more varied parts of the country. When I was younger, it was New York City or California. And Hubs and I have moved quite a bit over the years, due to his job transfers: we’ve lived in Wisconsin, Kansas, and now Colorado.

Wacky stuff I have done: I was the girl who brought the candy to Girl Scout camp. I didn’t get my childhhod nickname of “Candy Queen” for nothing! This was one of my first experiences with true, deep shame. And our cranky scout leader scared the bejeezus out of me!

Fears: I actually do not fear clowns. In fact, I used to have quite a collection of them displayed in my bedroom. That said, you will not see me at a screening of the movie “It”. I’m not into creepy, scary movies like that.

Speaking of blogging: I am frequently in fear that my blog posts will make me look doofusy. Yet, my passion for it always supercedes this fear.

Things I wish I could do successfully: Plan great parties. Because I already possess that talent. Examples: two high school graduation parties one year apart with plenty of (mostly) homemade food, beverages, and festive decorations. That supercool party I put on when I was 16 where everyone had to dress up as their favorite pop star. I went as Moon Unit Zappa aka “Valley Girl”. It was so RAD!

 

Humor, Politics, SNL fans

A few good white men

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Lately, I’m sickened by the sight of angry, white, American men. I think it’s bullshit that they have all the power in this country, which has given them a podium to whine and bitch from about their supposed lot in life.

Here’s a visual, if I haven’t been descriptive enough for you:

Image result for charlottesville va protestImage result for trump cabinet

 

My optimistic nature, however, is getting the better of me. Fact is, there’s plenty of good white American men out there. Men who are respectable and respectful. Men who have goodness in their hearts. Men who do not hesitate to speak truth to power in their own special ways. So let’s hear it for a few of these dudes.

Al Franken

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So Al and I go way back. To 2010, specifically. Hubs and I attended an event with another couple in support of a new candidate for U.S. House of Representatives in Winona, Mn. We lived in Wisconsin at the time, but as admirers of Al’s work in congress not to mention SNL, we were there to see him, not the candidate, Tim Walz. So after Al gave a short speech and the four of us had wandered into the reception hall, I got a chance to meet Al in person. We had just read his book “Lies and the Lying Liars that Tell Them”,  which we got him to sign later that evening.  I was making a bee line for the cookie tray because free cookies, duh, when I realized I was face to face with Al. I couldn’t not say anything. But I couldn’t think of anything actually intelligent to say. So I stuck my hand out and said “Hi Al” with a stupid grin on my face. Then I proceeded to tell him I lived in Wisconsin so I wouldn’t be voting in Minnesota. But I added that I did indeed hail from Minnesota. I’m sure he was super impressed. Hubs and I have been listening to his latest audio book “Giant of the Senate”. Best quote so far in this book (we are on Chapter 3) : “Just because you are right doesn’t mean you have the right to be a jerk”.

Anyway, I remain a fan of Al’s to this day. I sincerely hope he stays in politics. We need more guys like him there.

Weird Al Yankovic

He’s the guy that made being weird cool, don’t you think? And he does a great job of satirizing American politics. Political satire is an important tool  coping mechanism these days, dontcha think?

Al Gore

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My favorite champion of the environment. Instead of enjoying a quiet retirement after leaving his job as VP in the White House, he chose to take up the most important cause of all: educating the public about climate change: what it means and how we can fix it.

Here’s to three great Al’s, courtesy of one of my very favorite Paul’s:

 

 

Entertainment, Humor, Movies, Television

Movies that should be made

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This post is courtesy of a conversation Hubs and I recently had where we concluded that despite having approximately 488 channels on our Direct TV, not to mention Amazon Prime, this time of year there is very little television we are interested in viewing.

I know-total First World problem right? 

I do realize that we are quite fortunate to even own a t.v. and have the ability to afford our monthly Direct TV bill. 

With the lack of truly engaging, creative, entertaining television happening in this moment, I’ve come up with a few ideas of movies I would happily consume if ithey were to exist. Movies that could be seen on the big screen or the little screen (once they were put on cable or Amazon Prime, or whatever channel we may add when the temps fall and we just want to stay in)

  1. A movie about Amelia Aerhart. Starring Hillary Swank, Michelle Williams, or Maggie Gyllenhal in the title role. It would include what we don’t yet know about her life after her plane crashed. The History channel is planning a documentary on this. That’s a good start, I think.

She may have survived the crash

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2) Biopic of Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. They were married for 61 years and worked together as a comedy team for several of them. They were opposites, him being Jewish, and her being Catholic. She made the decision after they married and  gave birth to their first child to convert to Judaism as per Anne: “I wanted my children to know who they were”. I believe they had quite the love story. I think it would be extra special if their son, actor Ben Stiller, played Jerry and perhaps Emma Stone could play Anne.

Jerry and Ann article

3) Biopic of the love story between Paul and Linda McCartney. Michael Sheen and Cate Blanchett would be my top pics to play these two. I’ve always loved Paul’s music, not only from the Beatles of course but from his second act, Paul McCartney and Wings, along with his solo ventures. I think of Paul as being the ultimate optimist. I have the impression that he was the “cheerleader” within the Beatles. And only an optimist and probably a hopeless romantic would marry again after losing the love of his life in 1998, not once but twice. And I feel like we haven’t learned much about Linda over the years at all. I think Paul and Linda had quite the love story, and I’d like to see it on the big screen. This song, written by Paul for Linda, is why.

My Love

My curious mind would love to know any ideas of t.v. shows or movies you’d like to see. Please share!

Blogging, Creative Writing, Humor, Inspire

Work in progress

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So, for the last several months, I’ve been randomly coming up with ideas for blog posts. I keep them in my draft folder under the title “Great Big Writing Ideas”.  It has come in handy for me when I am plumb out of ideas of what to write about.

Today is one of those days. I’ve got bupkis. Just fleeting thoughts about songs or artists I want to share my appreciation of. Or op-eds I’ve read that I have my own take on. But nothing that feels really right. Nothing that flips my switch, so to speak.

So instead of picking one topic, artist, or political opinion (I suspect my readers may be getting tired of me and my political opinions and frankly I might be too), I’m going to share with you snippets of ideas and in some cases just thoughts, feelings, or personal affirmations which I’ve jotted down in my draft folder.

Lily T

6/27:

Write from the heart.

Pixar’s next blockbuster: How the body is the clean up crew. The bad guy is the disease. The heros are the doctors, scientists, and some politicians.

 

7/6/17:

My purpose is to inspire and empower!

The path is fraught with unknown obstacles and dangers.

Follow your curiosity for Pete’s sake…

8/4/17

New mantra : You are not in a hurry.

8/8:

Next blog post: The entertainment I would consume if it existed.

Spitball first. Thanks Liz Lemon. gif of her here.

A variety show that serves to educate the adult public about important issues of our time. With puppets and music. And comedy.

8/26:

Another post could be about alternate meanings for K.I.S.S. that I  may or may not expound on.

Like: salacious, serendipitous, spiritual, scandalous, shocking. 

Words: RESPECT. PERSERVERANCE..HUMILITY.KINDNESS #bigimportantwords. GIVE EXAMPLES.

8/29:

For the love of God, edit everything above this line! Done as of 8/31.

Ok next post: DC. Then couple friends. Then Pinterest. Then Polly’s preview, potentially.

-Polly needs to get political again. ASAP!

-Write about Colorado

-Food. Zucchini lasagna. Trempeleau County and the damn cookbook.

As you can see, I’m all over the place. Thanks for indulging me once again, folks.

I think I know what my next blog post is going to be now…

Key word here is “think”.

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Adventure, Blogging, Humor, Inspire, Travel

Solo in D.C.

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Recently, I had the good fortune of visiting one of my favorite cities, Washington, D.C. I tagged along with Hubs, who had to be there for several days for work.

Whilst Hubs was occupied with giving presentations, attending meetings, and working his IT magic to serve his agency’s mission of saving American lives from weather calamities, I took the opportunity to explore the D.C. area solo despite my anxiety about getting lost in the city or getting mugged or kidnapped.

I was inspired to embark on sightseeing in D.C. solo in part through reading Caitlin Kelly’s blog, Broadside.  Caitlin is far more worldly than I, to say the least.  She inspired me to get out into D.C. all by my lonesome, instead of staying in the safety of our hotel room in Silver Spring, MD, where I would no doubt be reading, writing, taking a dip or two in the pool, and watching movies on cable. All things I can do at home. I figured, if she could travel solo outside the U.S., I could certainly manage a couple of days on my own in D.C. And…YOLO, right?

I, of course, took a number of pictures on my D.C. adventure. So here’s my little “show and tell” of my time spent in our nation’s capital:

This is a picture of a picture in the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History. I happened upon it in the Nature’s Best Photography Windland Smith Rice exhibit. It appears this lovely sea otter is praying. Or perhaps simply meditating?  Either way, this picture speaks to me spiritually. It’s very Zen, don’t you think?

 

 

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This one is from the American Democracy exhibit found in the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History. As a proud feminist and firm believer that women should play a much larger role in American politics, I couldn’t not share this picture.

 

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Let’s please put a woman in the white house in my lifetime mkay?

 

This is the first regal looking building I laid my eyes on after stepping off the metro. When I realized what it was, I wished with all my heart that I had a dozen eggs on hand.

 

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Trump International Hotel

Anyone recognize this staircase I’m about to climb? I was told on good authority (our friend John with whom we were dining in Georgetown that evening) that this was the staircase from which the priest was thrown at the end of the movie “The Exorcist”. It’s safe to say that I was more than happy to be climbing up it as opposed to down.

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My backside as I approached the famous staircase

This picture was taken from my perch at a nearby table in Martin’s Tavern. It has a rich history and is known to be the oldest dining establishment in the D.C. area. JFK proposed to Jackie here. The host, Mike, mingles around the tables of diners telling tales of the place. Dining here was indeed one of the highlights of our trip.

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Martin’s Tavern, Georgetown. Standing is Mike, the host with the most

This one was taken as I, covered in sweat due to the ridiculous heat and high humidity (not to mention having just reached 11,000 steps on my fitbit by 3 p.m.), leaned against a cement block and delighted in watching the youngins playing in the water feature without any cares in the world. A delightful break at that moment in time. I was thisclose to jumping in and frolicking around with those kiddos. But I figured it was weird enough for the parents of these children that I was all by myself taking this picture. 

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Georgetown Waterfront Park

And then there are those pics I only took in my mind. Like the one I saw through the window on the metro of graffiti framing the foliage on the other side of the track. To me it represented the beauty of nature and the grit of the city living in harmony. Or the one of my fabulous meal of lump crabmeat, fresh mushrooms, and squash in hollandaise sauce atop english muffins (known as the “Tavern Treat”) at Martin’s Tavern. Or the one of the beautiful mahogany bar housed at J.Paul’s in Georgetown. The bartender shared that the bar itself was formerly housed in the Chicago stockyards and rumor has it that Al Capone himself had enjoyed a beverage or two at it back in the day. J.Paul’s also features antique brass elevator doors brought over from New York’s Waldorf Astoria Hotel. Simply gorgeous.

Blogging, Humor, Inspire, Love, Music, Spirituality

Me & my Songbrain

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I have what can only be described as a “songbrain”. How it works:  a certain word or phrase will be used in my presence, or a mood will strike me and a song starts up between my ears. It’s like a have some kind of jukebox that clicks on just the right song to match what’s going on with me emotionally in the moment. I don’t have to will the song to play, it just does. 

Now, readers who are familiar with my blog surely understand my deep and abiding love for music. I have been known to wax nostalgic about music from my growing up years  like I did here: Song Stories

I’ve also shared my love of making Google playlists for myself, like I did here: Music Therapy

Suffice it to say:

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Bottom line

 

This is the song that runs through my head on days when my 50 year old body is crack ‘a lacking and I forget what I came down to the kitchen pantry to get. Today, truth be told, is kinda one of those days. Thank the good lord I have a massage scheduled later.

 

This is the song in my head when I’m feeling sassy, playful, and I’m having a particularly good hair day.

This is the song Hubs and I could very much relate to when our spawn were, at 14 months apart, in the throes of those oh so fun teenage years. It allowed us to daydream for a bit. Thanks, Fastball.

This is a song I recently discovered while listening to The Current, a MPR station out of the twin cities, which has a show on Sunday mornings entitled “United States of Americana”. This is a song that really makes me think and feel. Now when I am reading or watching news reports about young black youth being harassed, beaten, or killed (as in the case of Trayvon Martin in Florida), I hear this song in my head. “With a pocketful of Skittles”. That line, to me, is the essence of the entire song. He was just a kid.

“My Sweet Lord” by the late, great George Harrison is so beautiful to me. It comes to mind for me when I’m feeling present, aware, and grateful for all of the blessings I have in this life of mine. It’s both comforting and worshipful to me.

Blogging, Creative Writing, Food, Humor, Inspire, Wisdom

Wednesday’s weird-ish wisdom

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In honor of it being Wednesday, and on account of having a head full of snot (I hab a heb code at the bobent) along with a shit-ton of half baked blog post ideas in there as well, I write this post today. True focus is eluding me.

There. I have successfully lowered your expectations. Now things have nowhere to go but up, right?

Like all of us, I am a work in progress. I am also subject to change. Call me flaky. Whatever. In my 50 years on planet earth, I have nonetheless developed some amount of wisdom.

I always enjoyed Oprah’s column “What I know for sure”, which was planted at the end of each monthly magazine her empire churned out. It may still be a feature, but for whatever reason, I no longer subscribe. Anyhoo, here’s my own personal take on it:

What I think  I know for sure:

That we all need something to look forward to. It helps motivate you to get out of bed every morning, put one foot in front of the other, and navigate the ups and downs of daily existence.  Even if that “something” is  just a cupcake you’re going to enjoy on your afternoon break at work. Or a dinner out with friends. Or a family barbeque. Or a church picnic. Okay, secrets out. Food is indeed my biggest personal motivator. 

That not all my blog posts are as good as I think they are as I hit that “Publish” button.  Which sucks. But it also pushes me to pen a better post tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

That regular exercise, even my moderately paced 25 minute walks around my neighborhood, makes me feel better and more capable, both mentally and physically.

That children in preschool and elementary school should be taught compassion in schools. As an actual part of the curriculum. We need more of that wonderful shit if we are going to have the good future we all want for this world.

That it is of extreme importance to me as a creative writer and human being on planet Earth to maintain my sense of curiosity about all things, big and little. My feeling is that if I lose this essential part of myself, I will cease to exist. Because I would die of boredom, of course.

That I will never regret starting this blog. I figure at the very least, it will be considered a legacy for my spawn and any spawn that have spawned or will spawn from my spawn. And if I made anyone laugh, that’s just the frosting on the brownie.

brownie

That the most depressing phrase that seems to be trending is the following: “It is what it is”. The only upside, according to me, is if you allow it to turn into this one: “Let it Be”. Because sometimes that is the best and most simple thing you can do in a situation in which you feel you have little to no control.

That the concept of a “Gap Year” for 50 year olds, of course should most certainly become a thing. I speak from experience. Nothing could have been better for me, upon moving to Colorado one year ago, than pressing the pause button on my career. I’ve had time to work on improving myself through reading, volunteering, and creative writing via this blog. I can see much more clearly now.

Okay, my song brain has kicked in, so I will just leave you lovely folks with this…and you can sing along because the lyrics are attached!

 

Blogging, Creative Writing, Happiness, Humor, Inspire, Laughter, Love

1 Mantra, 7 ways

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Call me crazy, but I believe in the power of a good mantra. When you have one (or two or 16) that you connect with, not just in your mind, but in your heart and soul, you have an ability to focus on what’s most important to you.

KISS.

This is my most used and helpful mantra. What I think is especially fabulous about it is just how ridiculously adaptable it is.

Many of you already are aware of the  translation of this acronym as “Keep It Simple Stupid”. That was how I glommed onto it initially. You see,  I have a fantastic ability to overthink everything in my life-from what I should have said to so and so, to what I should wear to church on Sunday, to what kind of part time job I should seek. Geez, if only overthinking was a skill I could get paid for. I wonder how much I could get an hour for that? Perhaps it’d be a salaried position? Maybe I could get paid extra for not taking health insurance as I can stay on Hubs plan? Okay, there I go again. That was not useful. Deep breath….ahhhh…KISS…..

Okay, I’m good.

Other ways I use the mantra KISS:

Note: I have determined that I will refer to the last “S” in KISS as “stupid” very sparingly. Because I think it’s important to be kind to oneself.

Keep it silly, sister. Because I firmly adhere to the notion that in order to have a successful, meaningful, and happy life, one should not take anything too seriously. Or anyone, for that matter.

Keep it specific, sister. This one came to me while I was using my wicked crafting skills  creative energy to put together my very first vision board. I firmly believe that having a physical picture of what you want in your life increases the chances of it becoming reality. For instance, instead of affixing a picture of, say, a wine bottle or grapes to my vision board,  I affixed a picture of Napa Valley because that is a place I very much wish to visit with Hubs, asap. Seeing it every day will keep it fresh in my mind, which is good because, I am 50.

Keep it sincere, sister. Bottom line-I’m just going to be me. I will continue to write (and live) with my heart in the right place. Which happens to be on my sleeve.

Keep it succinct, stupid. Yes, I know this sounds super boring. But not nearly as boring as it would be for you, dear patient readers (or anyone I am conversing with in real life),for me to ramble on, stream-of-consciousness style, taking my sweet, pokey time in getting to the damn point. It’s the opposite of verbose. An adjective that has been used to describe me (and sometimes, unfortunately, my writing) which I truly abhore.

Keep it smart, sister. This is possibly the most challenging use of this acronym for me. Because all my life I’ve struggled with feeling that I’m just not that smart. Thankfully, the successes I’ve had in this life along with the people I love who love me back, have helped me to no longer be hyper-focused on it. Keeping it smart, sister, is important to my writing.  I believe that if I’m going to put my opinion out there for the world to see, especially if it’s about current events, I need to know what I’m talking about. That’s why I spend time doing some research if I’m not fully confident that the opinion I’m preparing to put out there is based on facts.

Keep it sassy, sister. Because. THIS.

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So, fellow mantra users, which ones work for you?

bloggingfundamentals, Humor, Travel

Frivolity and dark chocolate

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Anyone who truly knows me knows that I have an abiding love for dark chocolate. And words.

In my nerdy heart of hearts, I love words. Mostly because of the power they have to evoke an emotion or convey a thought. And partly because some of them are just plain fun to say.

Like the word “frivolity”, for instance. It’s not a commonly used word in our vernacular (another word I love). Wikipedia tells me that frivolity means: “lack of seriousness; lightheartedness”. Methinks this is an important word given the current state of affairs in our world. I am choosing not to expand upon that last line. Today is Friday and frivolity is the word of this day for me.

The other night, I received a message from my piece of dark chocolate. It implored me to buy something frivolous.

So this is what I bought on my Target run yesterday, because when chocolate speaks I listen. 

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As a means to maintain my current state of frivolity, I told Hubs that we are playing Mad Libs on our plane ride to Washington, D.C. this week. I cannot fathom a more frivolously fun activity to engage in while I am sipping Chardonnay in a plastic cup 35,000 feet up in the clouds.

Maybe my frivolous spirit will continue into the week and I’ll be able to take a selfie with this dude:

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We shall see.

Happy Frivolous Friday, my friends!

Blogging, bloggingfundamentals, Humor, Inspire, Liebster Award

Addendum

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Oops!! In the excitement of being nominated for the Liebster award, I, the spaz that you know now that I am, forgot that part of the deal was to pose questions for those bloggers that most inspire/entertain me. To nominate them as I have been by this lovely blogger (it matters not that I do not know their name at this point in time)

The unnamed one

Like CJ from Feeding on Folly. The woman cracks me up every time I read her blog posts. And she’s totally down for drinking wine and munching on gourmet cheese and crackers with me. I think we kinda get each other.

CJ

Like Mitch Teemley, that grand storyteller.  He’s the talented writer behind the blog The Power of Story. He’s so creative. And positive. And just an all around great guy.

Mitch

Like Bitter Ben, from Ben’s Bitter Blog. He is the human bomb of bitterness, though something tells me he’s got a squishy center under all that snarkiness.

Bitter Ben

Like Kelly, my only friend in real life blogger. She blogs at The Transient Poet. I am quite awestruck of the beauty and clarity with which she writes. She most certainly has got the goods.

Kelly

Like Blair, the always hilarious blogger at The Shameful Sheep. She tells the goofiest and most amusing stories. Love this chick!

Blair

Questions I demand amusing answers to:

  1. If you could be any animal on earth, what would it be and why?
  2. If you had to write the soundtrack of your life, what would be the first three songs on it?
  3. If your death was imminent, what would you choose as your last meal?
  4. What movie that has not yet been made would you pay good money to see?
  5. What was your favorite age to be and why?
  6. What is the one book that you has inspired you most with your writing and/or life?
  7. If you could live anywhere you damn well please, without that pesky restraint called money (or lack thereof), where would it be and why?
  8. What’s your favorite number and why?

 

I will wait with baited breath for your answers!